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Why is tough love so hard?

I hate this feeling! My dad just called and told me he have no where to go and if he can stay with us(dh and kids). I told him no. I know that this is the only way he is going to learn, but I feel so bad. My dad is a crack addict and an alcoholic and has burned all his bridges a long time ago. A few years back he stole all my grandma's money, so my grandma told him he was not welcomed back there. He has stolen from all of us my mom, sisters, everyone who has tried to help him. he gets a check every month, which means he got one Friday=he has no money now and need somewhere to stay. My grandma finally forgave him and told him that he could stay with her long as he stayed cleaned. He doesn't have to pay for rent or food. He just have to abide by her rules, which is no drugs, alcohol, and he had a curfew. He refused saying that he is a grown ass man(58) and he will do what he want to do. So no money and no where to go, he calls me and I told him no. Now I all kinds of thoughts are going through my head. Where is he going to stay? The weather is getting bad(severe thunderstorm warning). I know that by me refusing he will have to learn the consequences, but I feel so bad. has anyone ever felt bad showing tough love? :(


Asked by babygirl0782 at 5:30 PM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Level 21 (11,550 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • a grown ass man who has to try to live off his kid? yeah... you did the right thing. completely 1000%. my BIL is an alcoholic living with mommy, but when he gets drunk and she kicks him out (she always caves later), he ends up here sucking up money, time, being an annoying ass, etc. funny how people like that always figure out something to do, somewhere to go, and even if they don't have a roof over their head, they have their drug of choice. he has a place to stay, it's just inconvenient for him. so basically he's telling you he wants to come to your house since you're his kid and he thinks you won't give him rules like his mommy does (and she's lucky he doesn't want to stay...) i.e. to use you and make your life full of drama and hell. i'm so glad you said no, even though it must be very painful to see him that way.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:54 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Good for you, even if it doesnt help him, your childnred dont need to be around someone like that. Hopefully it will give him the desire to change. Just keep reminding yourself that you did the right thing, unfortunatly the right thing is not always the easy thing.

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 6:20 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I wonder if he will really "learn" but you did the right thing.. Stay strong.

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:52 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • You did the right thing. He needs to change himself so he can be trusted and responsible. I am sure he will find somewhere to stay. Keeping hoping for the best, that he will change to the better person that is hidden deep inside of him.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 6:15 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Because it's hard to see someone we love disappointed or hurt. You did the right thing though.

    Answer by tspillane at 7:53 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • oh yeah... forgot to mention, hubby and i would fight every time BIL was here because i didn't want him here most of the time (a couple hours is ok... not for days). finally my husband realized he couldn't help him and they are no longer speaking. life is more peaceful since...

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:56 AM on Jul. 6, 2011