Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Split custody

My ex filed for split custody, and I'm terrified that the court might think it's a good idea. I have a 19 month old son, and I can't imagine that it would be good for him to go back and forth between the two of us all the time (split custody means that he would live with me for a week, then with my ex for a week, then back to me, etc.) This kind of arrangement could probably work if both parties are still good friends, but my ex and I sort of redefined "acrimonious divorce". Does anyone have any experience with this? Any advice you can offer? Thanks!

Answer Question

Asked by gital at 6:07 PM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • I would love to be your friend. I am in the same boat and wanted to move to be with parents but husband will not let me. Still in the process of getting a divorce but he will not let me move and just found out he sueing me for full custody just to get back at me. My girls are ages 9,7 and6 and he wants to trade them back and forth each week but I think to young and with school to much hasssle. I want him to see the kids but summers, vacations, maybe every other week,etc. But wants 50-50 since then probley wont have to pay child support. Just do what is right for you and your family. Try and see if it works and then if not then go from there. Write anytime and I will write back.

    Answer by momindiana at 6:14 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I am in the same situation. At first, I didn't think it could work because it was hard to realize they can survive without their mom for a week. It takes a little time to adjust, but it can work.

    However, I have had 50/50 for about 10 years and the kids seem to like it. When they were young it made things easier because they didn't feel like they had to choose a side. As long as you both live close to their school, it can work.

    Even though I was against it at first, it has some positive aspects. Even moms need a little break. During the week your kids are with their Dad, you can work late if necessary or go out with friends. When it is your week, you can't wait to see them and spend quality time with them.

    My ex is a jerk that is obsessed with making my life miserable. It is so bad my kids have learned to tell him nothing about me. But they are old enough to see the truth for themselves and that's a good thing.

    Answer by Miller_d at 6:44 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • At that age, children need frequent visits with each parent to maintain the relationships. The courts usually (or at least here) go for 3 days, 4 days, 4 days, 3 days. A week at a time is too much at this point. Once they get older, it can be switched to every other week or every 2 weeks without a problem. Be thankful that you have an ex who wants to be involved. It's more rare than you would want to think.

    Answer by other_mother at 7:09 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • is he a good father? that should be what you use to decide if you want to fight for joint custody instead. but i dont see why it would hurt your son to do the split custody, but if i were you id want him to have the weekends and summer.

    Answer by julie.f at 9:02 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Toddlers (1-2)

Next question overall (Babies (0-12 months))
Rice cereal