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3 Bumps

Is there hope or should I divorce my husband?

So, I married this guy and we have a baby. It was a whirlwind marriage and baby thing.

He comes from a very white trash background but after a year of marriage the trashiness has started showing up and I'm freaking out. He didn't show it before and so I thought I was safe. Yes, I'm an idiot.

I just want to know if I'm overreacting. Here is the straw that broke the camel's back:

We had both agreed to never go to a bar without each other. It was actually his idea and then I thought about it and agreed. I had also talked very seriously with him about how much I need him to be home as early as possible on Friday nights and he acted totally understanding and willing.

Then last Friday I text him at the end of the day to ask how he's doing and never get a response. I text two hours later when he's supposed to be home and still get no response. I call him and then call my mom because I'm worried. She calls him (she is also his boss but he was at another property) and gets no answer.

He shows up two hours after the normal time he gets home and he tells me he borrowed money from a co-worker and went out to a bar he saw on the way home from work.
I fish it out of him that he didn't actually go to a bar on the way home, but that he drove downtown to go to a bar that his coworker said was good.

Yes, this is like him to be stupid enough to drive across town because of a recommendation, but it still sounds like something a guy would do when meeting a girl or a friend or something....

THEN he comes home for a few hours and then tells me he's going to bed at 9:00.
I've been waiting all week to have a Friday night (just to have him there to hold the baby so I can relax for about 5 minutes) and he says, 'nope, sorry. I work in the sun all day and you just sit around the house.' (try doing all the house work, nursing every hour and holding the baby nonstop) so he HAS to sleep early. I wanted to beat him until he couldn't see.

It's indicative of his lack of interest in my needs or feelings, and it basically freaked me out of my mind for fear of the future and all the kind of BS he's doing behind my back. At his last job I would continually find out after the fact that he had been stopping at various places on his way to and from work and he eventually overdrew his account because of it so we transferred all his money to my account so he can't access it.

What would you do in this situation? Divorce?

We just start counselling and it helped a ton but the counseller went out of town for a couple weeks (and I went out of town for one) and it's all gone straight to heck in a matter of 3-4 weeks which also scares me for the future.

Our we doomed?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:39 PM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • How old are you and your husband and have either of you been married before or been in a long term relationship? Did you marry because you got pregnant?

    Answer by maggiebgood at 7:51 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • it's not doomed, but counseling would be a great idea.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:52 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • don't give up!

    Answer by r00j04j08 at 7:54 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • No, it's our first marriage but not first long term relationship. We did not marry because of baby. We got engaged about a month before getting pregnant. He tries very hard but has no role models.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:56 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • divorce will not solve problems,counsellling will.dont give up

    Answer by charakhan at 8:01 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Thank you Charakhan.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:02 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Yes, there is hope. If you love him there is always hope and I would continue to seek counseling. If you have a faith in God, I would suggest praying about this and asking your family to pray for you too. If you have a minister, you might want to seek his counsel also. I will keep you in my prayers.

    Answer by maggiebgood at 9:00 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. --Robert Quillen Funny, I had this as one of my FB status today. Kind of fits in with this.

    Answer by maggiebgood at 9:04 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Divorce is not the answer to everything.... He doesn't sound that bad. Work on your marriage

    Answer by Helen2004 at 9:27 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Marriage is a constant up and down, but if you truly LOVE each other you can always work things out. If that is the case I'd continue w/the counselor for a while and try to bring it up in your sessions how your feeling. You either LOVE someone or you don't, but you also have to trust the one you are with for a marriage to work. Good luck I hope all works out for you.

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 9:37 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

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