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2 Bumps

How to deal with a neighbor that spreads rumors about my daughter

My daughter and a neighbor's daughter (both 12) were friends until my daughter had some friends over, and my neighbor's daughter found out she was not invited. Now the neighbor's daughter and her mother are not speaking to me or my daughter.

Normally I would not give this a second thought, but our daughters have several mutual friends. One was here playing when she told me, unprompted, that the neighbor's mother spent time telling her what a "bad seed" and a "bad influence" my daughter is. She even went to far to say my other daugher, who is 7, is probably the reason why which is crazy because she doesn't even know her!

For the record, my daughter is NOT a bad influence. She has straight A's, her teachers and others comment to me often as to what a sweet girl she is and she was captain of her team sport.

The neighbor is not speaking to me, which is behavior I'd expect of a 12 year old, not an adult. I really could care less about her not speaking to me but I am concerned that this behavior is going to escalate and/or cause my dauther heartache as she attempts to turn their mutual friends against her. Do I continue to bite my tongue or confront her and ask her to stop?

Help!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:16 PM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (7)
  • You can confront her, but she'll probably deny it. She's a poor excuse for an adult if she's spreading rumors about a 12 year old.
    TARARENEE

    Answer by TARARENEE at 9:22 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • First of all, I'd go to the mother and tell her that you don't appreciate her lying to other kids about your daughter. Tell her that she is being childish and that she is an adult and shouldn't act like a twelve year old. Then explain to her why her daughter wasn't invited and apologize. Also, insist that she apologize your daughter and tell the girls that she lied to that she lied. Make sure you take the high road. You can't very well tell her she's acting like a child when you sink to her level. Also, don't take it out on the other daughter. Settle it between the adults because, if the neighbor's daughter isn't telling these lies then it is not her fault.
    Razzle_Dazzle1

    Answer by Razzle_Dazzle1 at 9:23 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I would approach this very carefully and considerately. You are dealing with a neighbor unfortunately otherwise this would be a little easier. I agree with approaching this girls mother, but I would allow her to tell you what she said. If it were me, i would say, " I need a favor ( people tend to want to help and be more cooperative with this approach) I need something clarified". "I wanted to let you know I was a little surprised and disapointed by somethings you apparently told some of our daughters' friends". followed by " I prefer to have things handled directly if there are concerns or problems". Then wait to see her response. If you criticize her, make demands or on attack mode, it could get ugly real fast. Good Luck.
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 10:26 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • If your neighbor is the kind of person that would spread rumors about a 12 year old,I don't think she'll listen to reason or that the situation can be honestly discussed. I would tell your daughter that she can't control other people, only herself. Actions speak louder than words. If your daughter is a good kid who treats others respectfully, she'll keep her friends regardless of what this other mother is saying. There may be some temporary drama but it doesn't have to be ongoing. I would avoid your neighbor when possible and if you do run into her, I'd be polite but very distant. Anything else you do may add fuel to the fire. My guess is that other people - both kids and parents - will see your neighbors as the ones with the problem. I'm sure this mother has behaved badly with other people as well. Very rarely is her type of bad behavior an isolated incident.
    cege

    Answer by cege at 2:04 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • KICK HER ASS!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:09 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • I wouldn't approach her. All that is going to do, is make things worse. Ignore it. Let your actions speak for you, and your child.

    Christine0813

    Answer by Christine0813 at 8:31 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • Anon-kick her ass? How is that going to teach the daughter anything? Violence isn't an effective problem solving technique and it could land mom in jail for assault. HELLO!!! Please THINK before speaking.

    OP: If the mother is spreading rumors too, there isn't much you can do. She isn't going to listen to reason because she is immature and would rather be her daughter's friend than parent. Teach your daughter to be proud of who she is and IGNORE the rumors. Her true friends will know the truth. Some people are just so unhappy in life that they need to make everyone else unhappy or try. Be the bigger person and ignore them.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:47 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

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