We recently found out that my husband has a 10 year old daughter with another woman ...
Of course i was no where in the picture when he made this little girl -- we got married 7 years ago and we now have a little girl and boy together...
The mother never told my husband and now she is in legal troubles and my husband was notified and got a DNA test, which of course was positive.
I would say for about the first 12 hours, after finding out about this little girl I was heartbroken... I mean it is just a shock to hear that your husband, the person that all of these years assumed was only a daddy to your children, has this other child with another woman.... but after that shock wore off, I felt for this little girl... her mom is pretty much a deadbeat, we found out she has had numberous men in and out of her life, involved with drugs, and this little girl's nerves were so messed up that her hair was literally falling out ...
I told my husband that we definatly need to do everything to get her, to make her part of our family.
My husband has been very quite and I can tell he is "deep thinking" and that he is still in shock... with our kids he is very involved and very sensitive when it comes to them and i think he has some sort of guilt that his own child had to go through what she did all of this time... i think he is also afriad to be around her ( we have only seen her twice and we havent been able to actually talk to her or anything yet) , and he just doesnt know what to do...
We then found out that her grandparents have been trying to get custody of her for awhile and that most of the time she has been staying with them until the mother would come around and demand to take her back.... the little girl even said she wants her mamaw and papaw...
So now we are stuck... what would you do, we have 2 options: take custody of her, raise her with a real family, with her real father and her siblings ( and I would be the best mother to her) and let her visit her grandparents whenever she wants...... OR let them raise her ( like they want) and we can go visit her weekly ?
At first we were dead set on us raising her, but then after seeing how her and her grandparents held each other and cried we are just so lost ...
what would you do ?
Asked by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Parenting Debate
Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:25 PM on Jul. 5, 2011
Answer by Rabbitflops at 10:29 PM on Jul. 5, 2011
Answer by matthewscandi at 10:31 PM on Jul. 5, 2011
Answer by AmaliaD at 10:57 PM on Jul. 5, 2011
Answer by ldmrmom at 11:17 PM on Jul. 5, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 AM on Jul. 6, 2011
Answer by soyousay at 12:15 AM on Jul. 6, 2011
It needs to be about her. I would let the grandparents take temporary custody with a restraining order against the bio mom and revisit the situation as she gets to know your family. She should not be ripped away from the only good thing she knows and forced into a house of strangers. It is going to take her time to get to know your family and right now you need to make it as good of an experience as you can. If it is done now against her will it will make everyone's life horrible not just hers and you and dh but your children as well.
Answer by Alanaplus3 at 12:39 AM on Jul. 6, 2011
Answer by daughteroftruth at 6:15 AM on Jul. 6, 2011
I agree with daughteroftruth. I would get her out of that situation completely. I would let her know and the grandparents, that you want to take your time on deciding where she will live but that you want to spend some time with her.
I would have her come and stay the summer with you all. Maybe even have the grandparents come and visit some too.
Just reassure her that you want to make sure that she has a voice in where she lives and that her grandparents will always be key in her life should she end up living with you. And that should she end up living with them you guys will continue to be an active part in her life. She need consistency and stability more than anything.
Answer by sipn_mom at 10:04 AM on Jul. 6, 2011
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