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Ideas for dealing with an ADHD/ODD child??

My son is 12 years old and has both ADHD and ODD. I am looking for thoughts from other Mom's that have children with similar traits. My son is in the I'm not doing what you ask me to do phase again. It gets too much to handle. He also is in the denial stage of things, I'll call him, "What!!!" He'll yell when he could have politely asked what? He'll do something like slam the door, so you say something about a punishment and then he'll be like I didn't do anything wrong when you try to discipline him. Any thoughts on this? Thanks for the vent....

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:26 PM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (12)
  • It doesn't really sound like ADHD. It sounds like a regular child. Dicipline, consistency....that's all there is to it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • My 12 yo stepdaughter is the same way. I'm not her real mother so I can't do what I would to teach her respect and act like a decent human being. I agree with the pp. Kids at that age are testing the boundaries.

    Answer by mamatel at 10:49 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I'm the OP> I'm sorry to say this because I don't wanna get stuck in and endless loop of saying I'm right and you're wrong. If my son is just "testing his boundaries" he should know by now what his boundaries are. Sorry to put it that way but he should. He's 12 years old and we've consistently had the same rules in the house. No slamming doors, no running, no telling Mom or Dad No when asked to do something. I'm more concerned that he does something and like not even two minutes later you confront him about it and he's like I didn't do it, or I didn't do nothing wrong. Example: I find a candy wrapper on the table, no body else around. Did you eat the candy? No he says, even though I know without a doubt he ate it. It's constant round and round with him.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:53 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • About the candy wrappers. I would say if he's not going to be honest, then make a general announcement that nobody gets candy until the person who left the wrappers out and takes care of them fesses. It gives him the opportunity to come forward, but you have to be willing to stick to the rule. If he never comes forward, I guess nobody (he) doesn't get candy anymore.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • i think odd is a joke the "sign" symptoms fit almost every preteen and teenager out there and some younger kids but i agree with anonymous and yes he may know his boundries but his a kid hes gonna test them untill he grows up!

    Answer by myboysRmyhero at 11:13 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • (OP here)Ok I am not sure how to say this without upsetting anyone so I'll just say it. Saying that ADHD or ODD is a joke well ok, believe what you want. I am looking for input from other people that deal with ADHD and ODD children on a day to day basis, thanks.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:22 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I have a nephew that is labeled ADHD/ODD, so it's not coming from a source that's never had to deal with it. But it always is easier to give advice than it is to actually do it. I hope you find some answers OP! xoxo

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • it seems to run in my family some kids take the meds for it witch i personaly dont care for an if my kids get it they wont have the meds. ADHD to me is hyper on steroids so what i have done is bring them to a park or any place they can get extra energy out it will help trust me. as for odd not sure havent delt with that much. An again some of the drugs r nasty an thye have to be a giunpig to figure out witch one works best. my brother had taken one an he looked like a zombie afterwards an another family member has took them for years sence he was little an they made him not able to have any kids so i would cation the pills but it up to you your kids i have just sence the bad side i guess. good luck hun hope everything works out keep us posted.

    Answer by BOOKER123ABC at 10:23 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I see children all the time Dx with adhd and odd. I even dx it. No it is not a joke. I hesitate with odd very often and do not like to dx unless I can conclude that the behavior is not a result of depression or anxiety. Both which are very common with ADHD. Here is the ting about ODD your therapist may not be quite saying (and I certainly don't say because it is offensive and I try to be more compassionate), ODD is often the result of poor and inconsistant parenting. This is not my made up theory. This is rather considered factual in all the treatment literature for ODD and conduct disorder. The best treatment method is to work with the parents primarily. It does not make them bad people. It means they need some assistance. I personally find that irritiability, frustration, anger, outbursts, profanity, and the indifference comes from depression more times than not. Treat the depression and

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:15 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • you the behaviors of concern lift as the child gains more confidence in themselves and feels less pressure from the world in general. Those who treat ODD, behind your back, are quick to blame the parents. I'm usually upfront and put it this way: while I understand Bobby is the target patient the reality is all of you are impacted by these episodes not listening, anger, rage (ect...) and in order for Bobby to make progress he first needs his parents to make some changes. The best treatment known for ODD is working with the parents and assisting them. It will get worse initally and it will be hard but the pay off is worth it. Are you willing to meet me with me and learn some new ways of responding to his actions? And there are times when parents say no. Thankfully, I more frequently am able to tease out depression and anxiety because ODD is truly very difficult for the exact reason of parents being resistant to change.

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:22 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

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