Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Books on parenting

I'd love any suggestions on books that have helped some in your communications with your teenagers. I'm trying to figure out how I can reach my children,they do fight with each other and swearing is getting out of hand. I'd love to be able to look at them and figure out the situation without them pointing fingers at each other and have them see both mine and their side and maybe they'll have a flash of reality and figure out that they can solve problems without swearing and hurting the other person. Perhaps I need to read up on child psychology? I would my home be a haven for my kids,I don't want them to be enemies.

Answer Question

Asked by MarGeee at 10:59 PM on Jul. 5, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 20 (9,059 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • I don't really dig Operh but this is book she promoted. Years ago for parenting teens " qureen bees & wannabes" by rosalind wiseman

    Answer by SassySue123 at 11:06 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Two easy reads (by the same pair of authors) are "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" and "Siblings Without Rivalry" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

    Another very clear & systematic presentation of the same ideas & approach is laid out in Thomas Gordon's book "Parent Effectiveness Training" (P.E.T.)

    Some of the key factors are communicating responsibly (sending "I messages" not "you messages"), using "active listening," and realizing who "owns the problem." If the kid owns the problem, you listen reflectively & empower them to solve it on their own, but you don't take it on or do lots of advising, fixing, etc. If it's a problem that YOU own, (some issue that is causing problems for you), you communicate responsibly without blame. The book presents a concept of conflict resolution that goes beyond typical power-over models that have winners & losers (like authoritarian or permissive models.)

    Answer by girlwithC at 1:30 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • (cont)
    Authoritarian parenting advocates using parental power over kids; with permissive parenting the dynamic simply flip-flops so that in conflict situations, kids have the power over the parents (so in a conflict they decide, and the parent "gives in" or has no say. Usually because the parent doesn't want to be authoritarian.) P.E.T advocates win-win or no-lose.

    Basically, the principles & strategies outlined in P.E.T. promote respectful communication & help to avoid pitfall situations that frustrate kids AND parents. It points out how it is possible to raise children without punitive discipline or negative control tactics.

    Active listening/reflective listening (this is a big part of Mazlish & Faber's work, too) are key points. Also, accepting that conflict in relationships is inevitable, not some kind of problem, evidence of disloyalty, or something to avoid or prevent or stop. Likewise, that there are no "bad" feelings.

    Answer by girlwithC at 1:48 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.