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2 Bumps

So many things

1) I feel like i'm not ready to grow up. Just graduated in March- have been at my job/career for about 3 months now and I hate going to work. I want to be a SAHM, but i cant. =( Or maybe even just go to work PT, but again- i cant. how can i get over this selfish, wanna be a kid forever type feeling1

2) Been with BF for almost 3 years and its now where we rarely talk. i met a guy (who i thought was just a friend- but he wanted more- i didnt. i just wanted a friend).... but i realized that i wanted that friend b/c of the lack of communication between me and BF... that i could have adult conversations (books, news, etc) with this friend that i couldnt with BF... and i have no idea why its like that! i havent talked to friend since he tried to get on me and i dont want to... but i want that type of relationship (the friendly, lets talk about any and everything) with BF... but how?! i dont even know how to bring it- any topic- up!

i dont know if its just b/c i am so tired when i talk with him (our work schedules are off and we get maybe a hour together, a few days a week).... or if we just really have nothing to talk about. =( only time we do have meaningful conversations are when we are talking about us.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:09 PM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • first, breathe. it is hard being an adult. so is being a parent. so is being a relationship. the good news about it is that you learn to count on yourself and find your own power. all these challenges make you a stronger person if you don't give up. congrats on doing all you have done so far. with my first child (who is almost 20), i also was not able to be a SAHM, but that wasn't something i wanted to do - i wasn't much of a homebody and needed all the stimulation from work, adult conversation, etc. i took my daughter many places with me. she has become a strong, independent woman as a result. she benefited from the socialization of daycare and all the other experiences. i made lots of mistakes, as we all do, and we both made it through. i had jobs i liked, jobs i loved, and jobs i hated. the best thing you can do for yourself about work is to do the best you can to make the best of where you are and find some acceptance

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:50 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • about the situation - you don't have to like it, but if you stop fighting it, that will allow you to stress a little less and focus on what's really important, such as how to change the situation one step at a time into where you would like to be. you do need to make sure you continue to do things for yourself and have time for yourself - a balance. this is not only good for you, it is good for your child(ren) - their mom is a happier person and when you make time for you and time for kids, you can be fully present with them. just the fact that you are doing what needs to be done is a good sign that you will not overdo it and become truly selfish. i remember often throughout at least the first 10 years of my daughter's life (and earlier before she was born), i had that feeling of just wanting to not deal with any of it and go back to being a carefree kid again. i have learned to appreciate the responsibilities rather than

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:56 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • resent them. having them means you are the one running your life, even if it feels like all the different demands make your decisions for you - take a step back and see what you have chosen to become who you are now.

    as for the relationship... you gone through some major transitions recently and during this relationship. you have more experience, different needs. it probably seems like when you have time together there are so many things to figure out that there is a heaviness to the relationship. those things can't be figured out overnight and the little stuff is at least as important as the big stuff... you've got to have fun together, and if there is all this tension and lack of communication, that's hard to do. you can't figure it out on your own - just tell your boyfriend how you feel and ask him for suggestions too. lots of things get taken for granted after so much time, but it is definitely not impossible at all

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:03 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • my husband and i have lots of time together but find ourselves in a rut sometimes too. i don't know how many times we try to just get in the car and find something to do and it almost never seems to work out well... we have since realized it's best to have a plan. point being in the limited time you have together, plan something... if you are sharing experiences together, you will have more enjoyment and more to talk about. it is very hard to have such limited time together, but it won't be forever. just take it one day at a time and do what you can right now to make the best of it. it will all change... good luck to you.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:08 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

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