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My aunt is an awful mother, I don't know what my place is, I should just say nothing I guess, but I will vent..advice needed!!!

My aunt. She had her son at 22, was married at the time. For the first 6 mos she took care of him, her husband got deported and then she gave up. My cousin, 13 I believe at the time took over caring for her son. She moved in with her to help.

My cousin moved and then I started coming around more. She had a roommate who informed me that she had been making his breakfast and later in the day she would have to serve him dinner too because my aunt would not wake up until the night time.

So My freshmen year of HS I decided to attend school close to my aunt, an hour bus ride for me, and I would go early, give her son breakfast, the roommate would keep the door unlocked for me, then I would leave to school, I would also set out some snacks so he could eat during the day.

I would go back after school and serve him an early dinner. Then I would finally go home. I would leave my house at 6am, and not be back til 7pm every day because of this.

So She started hitting him with a belt, he was only two, I didn't know for sure if she did but I was suspicous, I hinted to other family that someone needs to take him. My grandpa now has custody, since he saw welts from the belt at 2, and my cousin is now 8.

She never goes to visit her son. Complains that my grandpa makes parental decisions and that he is too strict. Complains that she never gets alone time with oout the grandpa present but my mom set up a time where she would be the supervisor, as she has on other occassions, on July 3rd, where we also would celebrate July 4th early with fire works and family. She didn't even show up because my mom said that she couldn't bring a friend because she should spend time with her son. She was down the street and wouldn't even come see her son.

Now I just want to call her out so bd, and I always help her, next time she wants a ride or an extra couple dollars, you know what I will do, say yeah sure, just like she told her son, and then I will just not do it. Let her know how it feels. I feel like my mom should say more and the rest of the family but sadly they wont, im the closest to her, and imnot even that close, sdo I say anything?

 
DomoniqueWS

Asked by DomoniqueWS at 1:49 AM on Jul. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,109 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I think you surely do have the right to voice your concerns to your Aunt, and I am sure you will do it in the right way, some people really need to be told about themselves, at the time they wont want to hear it and she will be upset, but she will get over it and it may just be a wake up call for her, I have a SIL who is similar to this by the sounds of it and very hard headed, so dont expect it to go smoothly but hopefully when its all said and done she will think about what you said. I would lean towards telling her how unfair this is for her son, and that regardless to being told she can not bring someone, nothing should keep her from keeping her word to her son.
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 3:01 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • What do you calling her out would accomplish? If you think it could be a real wake up call for her to get her crap together, then do it...NOW. But if you think it is just stir the pot and cause unnecessary drama, then leave it alone. The baby has his grandpa and the rest of the family. How sad she doesn't care enough about her son to do the right thing. Good thing the rest of you do.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 1:57 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I don't know what it would accomplish, but I guess because I was in his life being responsible for him for almost a whole year I feel a maternal bond. I feel anger toward her for him. I want her to feel like he feels, abandoned. I think it's just anger speaking.
    DomoniqueWS

    Comment by DomoniqueWS (original poster) at 1:59 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I am sorry Momma!
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 2:02 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I'm sorry to hear about your cousin. I can appreciate how you feel about your aunt, but your cousin needs you more now than you need to call out his mom. Thank goodness for your grandpa - what a blessing. Not sure how old you are but if you really feel the need to speak to your aunt, you have to be very careful how you approach her - you don't want to come appear disrespectful (even if you no longer respect your aunt). There may be things going on that you don't understand or don't have a full grasp of. I am in no way condoning your aunt's behavior toward her son, but there is truth to the saying "be kind. everyone you meet/know is fighting some sort of battle." I would approach your aunt from a position of love, not blame or anger. More than ever though, your little cousin needs to know that he is loved, cared for, and will always, ALWAYS, be protected. You're a good niece/cousin - bless you.
    pocmom

    Answer by pocmom at 2:06 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Thank You pocmom, I am almost 20 now and have a son myself now. And now that I am a mother I HATE the way she is.
    I need to not talk to her for a while so when I do talk to her it isn't hostile because she is a psycho, she spit on my other cousin, who is 9mos younger than me, just a couple mos ago, my cousin did nothing, but if that were me I would have laid her out. Not to sound disrespectful but some lines are not to be crossed and thats line #1.

    My family in general is very passionate, when there is a feud ppl need to duck and cover because if someone is out of line it's a fight. Perhaps is the reason my mom says nothing, last time her and my aunt got in an argument my mom punched her out because my aunt, who is a half blk/wht just like me, my mom being full white, she called my mom a white bit!# and my mom blacked out.

    cont....
    DomoniqueWS

    Comment by DomoniqueWS (original poster) at 2:12 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • for the most part, with the exception of one cousin
    this generation is much more level headed, but I don't want be forced to defend myslef.
    DomoniqueWS

    Comment by DomoniqueWS (original poster) at 2:13 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I just read the stuff about the violence, I would start out by saying something along the lines of your not going to like what I have to say, bit be woman enough to listen and dont even think of laying your hands on me...
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 3:02 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I will sleep on it and think of the best possible way to deal with this crazy woman. She is often violent, but I am not worried for my safety as much as I don't want to have to hurt my aunt. I think as long as I take the talk to a public place she will control herself
    DomoniqueWS

    Comment by DomoniqueWS (original poster) at 3:21 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

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