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3 Bumps

When your adult child acts like an idiot ....

What do you do ?

I tried my hardest to raise them right - I have 4 children and all of them have turned out great - well except my youngest...

He just turned 19 and up until last year he was also a great kid, but then he found a new group of friends and he has been trouble ever since...

I still had hope for him, I could see that somewhere inside was a man just trying to get out, unfortunatly the immature teen keeps pushing the man away .

The most trouble he has caused though is having the girlfriend that he does... I honestly believe she has a huge impact on the way he acts... She is also 19 and has 2 children - one of them MIGHT be my grandaughter...

I love this little girl so much - in fact I am pretty much raising her... I am afriad to get a DNA test because i am afriad she wont be mine.

My son has been showing a side that he wants to change... ever since this litle girl was born, he will show some sensitivity, some kind of feeling of that good dad attitude, and then the "mother" will step up and stop the feelings as quick as they started.

I might just be writing this out of anger and disgust, and maybe part of me is hoping someone on here will say they once had a son who was like this and now they are a great person... I really hope he changes - I hope she changes too.

I usually do have this little girl with me... her mother cares more about spending all of her money on her expensive clothes and her hair and going out, her facebook literally has hundreds of photos of her partying, and only 3 of her little girl....

They got into a fight a few weeks ago, she came and got my grandaughter ( i tried everything to not let her take her, but she called the cops, and of course whens he said she is the mother and I am just her boyfriends mother ( notice she said that, not caslling me the grandma) - they let her take her...

Well yesterday morning I got her back--- she dropped her off, and i literally mean she dropped her off... let her out of the car, beeped the car horn and as i opened the front door she was already going down the street.

I spent most of the night in the ER because she has such a bad yeast infection .... the doctor said it was caused by not bathing and her wet pullup not being changed ...

Today I am on my way up town to figure out how I can legally keep her... I just dont understand how anyone can treat a child like that, especially one as beautiful as her... It makes me sick to think of what else she has had to go through these last few weeks...

Any advice from others who have been through this too?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:11 AM on Jul. 6, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (13)
  • I've not been through that. I'd suggest that if you want custody then take her to court. You might be able to have the doctor that saw her testify. Can you prove that you're nearly raising her? Do you have friends or family who see you together all the time? Pictures with timestamps? Proof the mother was elsewhere? Good luck. She sounds like the kind of teen mom that gives us a bad name... I hope you get custody.
    kit_manson

    Answer by kit_manson at 8:20 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Have you asked her to give you custody?
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:30 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • This will be a long hard road. If you really want custody I suggest for at least a year you do nothing but get a lawyer and document EVERYTHING. I would make sure you say nothing to the mother during this time because you will likely lose contact with the child altogether. A mother even these days has to be proven unfit to a great degree in most places to lose custody.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 8:43 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • You sure are in between a rock and a hard place---yes, you should report this to social services---it is child neglect---can't believe the hospital even treated her without the mother being there---and they have probably reported it----you might check into being qualified to be a foster parent if you want custody of her---and until you have proof that she is your biological gd, your son has not a leg to stand on to get her to be put in your custody without the mother's consent. Gosh, I wish I had better news that this---know you must be heart sick---kind of reminds me of that Casey and her 2 year old. And on your son, my oldest had to learn stuff the hard way----had to do tough love on him when he graduated---but had to keep my younger 2 safe---but he is a really good man with his own house now at 31.
    lecates

    Answer by lecates at 8:47 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • One question---and this is a hard one to hear---since he is your 'baby'---are you letting him grow up and learn from his mistakes? It is hard but we do need to cut the apron strings so that they can grow to be the person they will be.
    lecates

    Answer by lecates at 8:49 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • This doesn't really sound like a story about your son. Do you want him to get custody or you?
    Best thing to do is get a lawyer. Get pictures and any records you can(that won't be easy)and then document everything and take her to court if the lawyer thinks it's possible.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 8:54 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • You are doing the right thing by going for custody. Get temporary emergency custody now! We are sorry that we didn't do that. It is good that you have the hospital record. Did the mother know that you went to the hospital & give consent?

    Even if you don't get custody, you will get CPS to start a file about the mother. It makes me wonder about her other child. We had/have this sort of situation in our family with my niece & my nearly 30 year old sister being self-absorbed. You know the mother will decide you are evil. You also have to be prepared for your son thinking that. You have to be prepared that you will not see the child again. If she is not a blood relation, you will have no rights. Even if she is a blood relation, you are not the custodial parent.

    Your son is in the process of deciding to be a man. He may get there soon. He may never get there. You did your best in raising him. That is all a mother can do.
    Verrine

    Answer by Verrine at 8:54 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Is your son listed as the dad on the birth certificate? If not you are going to have to go get that DNA test. The first thing she is going to claim in any court if you try to get custody is that your son is not the father. If he is on the BC at least you have proof that she was leading you all to believe he was.

    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 11:46 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • The easiest way to keep custody is for the father to go to child survives and get an emergency custody order. I hate to say it, but your sons problems need to take a back burner to the safety of this innocent child!some states have caregiver/grandparents rights so go get that legal advice! Your son will get better, but right now he needs some tough love from you so that he can learn his lessons the hard way that he has chosen to. He is an adult and it's time for him to 'take his lumps.'
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 12:27 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • my son signed the birth certificate and has been oaying chilkd support... she is almost 3 years old and I have proof that I have had her 90% of that time...

    my son needs to man up - i wish he would.... but i want custody ... he isnt as bad as the mother, but still no where near responsible enough to take care of her...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:57 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

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