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Let it ride or say goodbye?

What do u do if you are unhappy in your marriage? DH ignores the question of marriage counseling. Fight constantly. Lack of compromise. Tired and lonely.

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luvmyboys11

Asked by luvmyboys11 at 8:41 AM on Jul. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 7 (186 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I left for the weekend and let him sit on that, I didn't tell him we would be back, just took off with a note letting him know how unhappy our marriage was and what we needed to fix but never got around to because he would avoid the issue.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • People take marriage to lightly now a days. Work on it first then if everything fails then maybe it's time to look at divorce. If he refuses to do counseling and you suggest other things and he still refuses then that would be when it's time to give up. Keep workig at it you may just be in a runt.
    Mom1127-0125

    Answer by Mom1127-0125 at 8:44 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • After going through some marital problems and my DH also refused counseling, I found a lot of books at my library on the subject. They will tell you the same things a counselor will. Read some books and get some suggestions on what you both can do to improve. But no matter what happens, whether things get better or not, just keep reminding yourself that you will be happy again one day. With or without him.
    Bluebird8874

    Answer by Bluebird8874 at 8:59 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I would leave him. He sounds very selfish.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:03 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Unless there is physical abuse, I would stay. Since I don't know how long you have been married or what the problems really are, it's hard to give any other advice. My husband and I have been married more than 46 years, and we still have an occasional argument. The key is in knowing what is worth arguing about, and not everything is. Also, happiness is a choice. And marriage is a place where you can demonstrate your love for your spouse even when he is acting in a manner that makes you not really "feel" like doing that. But when you love him when he is unlovely, you will find that he will respond to you in kind. Men resist marriage counseling because they do not want to sit and hear themselves be blamed for all the problems in the marriage. The blame is never 100% to 0% in favor of one spouse, so find the percentage which you can correct and work on that. You will be surprised at the results, and they will be worth it!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:17 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I think it takes two people to make a marriage work and if one person is not putting in the effort it is really only a matter of time. I think it needs to be addressed and he needs to be told if he does not put forth the effort you cannot continue to do it alone. I see a lot people either say leave or stay no matter what, but I think that it is more complicated than that but I don't think it is fair for one person to assume everything in the relationship, it is suppose to be a partnership and why should one person stay miserable while the other person is indifferent and does not try, that is really not fair. If you tried and gave your all and he gives nothing you need to decide if it is really worth it to stay. You deserve happiness as well, as long as you know you have given it all you can without sacraficing your self worth in the process.
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 10:10 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I have tried for the past almost 2 years to tell him things aren't going well and we need to figure out some way to make it work. Problem is when I start to speak how I am feeling he looks down at the floor and doesn't say a word. Tyen when I have spoke I ask what are his feelings and he just shrugs his shoulders and says nothing. He says he does want to cause a fight. We are having issues with our 4 yr DS that we are seeing doctors for and he has not and doesn't even make the effort to even try to take off work to come to his appts. He works all the time he's hardly home. I understand he is the financial bread winner of the family but sacrifice a little time with your family. We have been married 5 years on the 15th of this month. And have never gone on a family vacation. Not even gone to the zoo orvthe amusement park nothing. Sorry for the venting. Just hurt feelings right now.
    luvmyboys11

    Comment by luvmyboys11 (original poster) at 10:41 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Seeking help first. Maybe this will help if you guys and talk and he can see where your coming from.
    1sexymother

    Answer by 1sexymother at 11:01 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I would do everything in my power to avoid ending up in a divorce. Write how you feel in a letter, and give it to him- that way everything you want to say is right there and he can't interrupt. Communication and compromise are vital in any relationship.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 11:27 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

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