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STRESSING! My hair is literally falling out, my fibro is flaring up... over my insensitive and narcisistic mom. i just can't win with her! LONG!

Ugh. From the beginning. At 6, I was sent to clean my room, and upset that the neighbor kids couldn't come over. I told her she was the worst mother ever! She snapped back that I was the worst daughter God could have given her. I have held onto that comment for 18 years, because she hasn't apologized for it.

When I was growing up, I learned early on, and got very good ad lying. She and my stepdad would collectively lecture me for hours after my siblings (younger, his children) went to bed. I got the belt a couple times. Anyway, I grew up almost afraid to disappoint them. I always failed at. My friends were drinking, then smoking pot, blah blah, so I steered away from them. This left me with one friend. And I couldn't fully trust her. I was 15, underage, and I ditched my lil truck taking her home. I slammed my head on the steering wheel, and 9mi from town, I walked to a neighbor's house about 1/2mi away, waited 20min to see if anyone would come home. No one did, so I broke in to use the phone. I left a note, called for help, got the truck from the ditch and went home. I was so afraid of what my parents would think that I lied and told them and the police that I had been kidnapped. When it all came out, I begged for therapy. I went the 5 times that the insurance covered, like that was going to solve it. Three months later my stepdad was throwing iron skillets (4 of them) at me in the front yard when I was screaming at my mom for allowing him to have pot in the house.(caught him smoking in the bathrm w/ the 1yo sister in the tub) I was first accused of wrongly pointing a finger, then told to stfu because I wouldn't know what THAT smelled like unless I'd smoked it. Wasn't until a week later when his pipe fell from his pocket in front of my friends that I ended up penned to the front of her tahoe while she screamed and spat on me, that if I wanted to go ahead and deprive my siblings of their dad then go ahead and tell... I reminded her the kids would be taken from the home if authorities knew, not just him.

When I moved out the wk after graduation, the second night they came and took my car they paid half of, and sold the car for $800. We had just bought it at the start of the school year for $4600.

I got pregnant in 08, at 22, and my bf and I got married at the courts in Oct. I couldn't get anyone to accept me as a new patient where dh an I had moved, so I drove back and forth 5hours "home" every month to see my OB.

At my first appointment that December, my mom and sdad had a huge fight and sdad moved out. that was the night I was supposed to arrive for an appointment the next day. there were nearly 3" of ice on the streets, and the 5 hour trip took me 9. That night ended up being our worst ice storm in history. I got to the house at 9pm. My mom strolled in at 3am. I told her I had tried to call because I was worried about them. She told me to mind my own and go to bed. Uh, hello? Who knows how long you'd been gone, and the other 3 kids in the house (between 3-12) alone for 6+ hours if I hadn't been here? I finally got her to tell me she was out driving around. I knew better,
but went to bed.

There were several other things that came out before I had Ds in April. Including my mom had been dating my sdad's best friend since childhood and still living with my dad, but wouldn't ever admit. It got so bad, I told her to not even show up at the hospital. She did anyway. Then started drama by reporting to my gma that my biodad was there (nevermind the fact he drove my nearly blind grandparents 7 hours to see me) Anyway, stepmom overheard, and they drove all the way home.

June, DH and I were house-hunting after he landed a really nice job, staying in the house my dad now occupied. Mom came over to pick up my sisters, and saw dad changing locks on the doors. Dad didn't want to give her the keys (because she had stolen tools from his work van the weekend before and held it until he gave her money) and because I was standing closest to her, I was attacked. She tried to choke me out, and pulled me to the floor by my hair. I wasn't trying to fifty my mom, so I just grabbed a handful of hair too, hoping she would get off me. Dad just stood there. DH and brother had to manipulate her arm and lift her off me. Still, 2 years later, she has not apologized.

I quit expecting an apology and decided to give her and the boyfriend a chance, dh and I agreed as a new years resolution. Fail after fail... we just went past it. I hit a deer with my jeep, and Dh's try k needs work now to get it working again. So, we haven't had a car for 9 days. With two in diapers and one on formula, you KNOW how hard this has been. My mom told me last Tuesday that she took Thur and Fri off, that she would come down (25min drive) and take me to Walmart for groceries and diapers. Thur night, she said by 4pm on Fri.5pm, I called her, and she had decided it was too late to come because she wanted to hit the garage sales at 630. Then said she

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matobe

Asked by matobe at 10:30 AM on Jul. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,174 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Would be here by noon Sat. 130 I called to see if she was coming. She said her bf wanted to wait so they could take us to the lake to do fireworks. DH had gone to the ER with kidney stones that morning, and came back to finish his 12 hr day so he could go with us to the fireworks show. My mom n her bf showed up at 4, complained that I was taking too long to buy my $168 in groceries for the week, and we got back to the house before 6. Dh was to get off at 830. At 810, mom decides they're just gonna go home instead. After getting us all excited we would get to watch the city show. Then, she told me she would come get us so I could take DS to the Dr for some blisters he has on his head. I had to go to h&r block to have my file looked at after getting a "you owe $3000" letter from IRS. Etc.5pm I call her, she is again, making excuses. Then gets mad in text when I tell her not to worry, we would figure something out.
    How do i get
    matobe

    Comment by matobe (original poster) at 10:39 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Out of this? How can I learn to just not expect her to be there for me? I think this is a show for Dr. Phil.... I just can't comprehend why she would tell me something and I would count on her to be here, and just not show up? I mean, my kids, for crying out loud! It's like the only family we can trust is ourselves!! sorry for the book...
    matobe

    Comment by matobe (original poster) at 10:42 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • the only thing I can say is STOP having her in your life. She sounds toxic honey and you certainly do NOT need that in your life.. ever.. stop trying to get an apology that will never happen and even if it did happen.. how real would it be? And can you really forgive after a lifetime of torture?? just because she is your mother does not mean now that you are an adult that you need her in your life..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 10:46 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • matobe...........seperate your family from her hon........it sounds like it would be the healthiest thing to do. God Bless and good luck!
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 10:59 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • i want to know why are you even communicating with her still. obviously she doesnt' give a shit about anyone but herself, so why are you looking for her to help you or do anything with. you need to separate yourself and your family from her, she is not in her right mind.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 1:33 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • CUT TIES. That should have been done YEARS ago.

    Your family is you and your husband and your children, NO ONE ELSE.

    That is the ONLY way you are going to heal. ONLY way. There is nothing here to salvage. Just because you share genetic makeup does NOT make you family!
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:39 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

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