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3 Bumps

His family vs my family!!!! Sorry this is long!!!!

Why is it that when I suggest us going to my families house for a day my husband has to think about it but when his family invites us to their house or to an event we just automatically say yes?

My mom invited us up to her house for the 4th to go swimming and a bar b que and when I mentioned it to my husband he just looked at me then went ahhhhh, like he was trying to think of a reason why we cant go.

His family invites us to their house for my birthday dinner and he was like sure we will be there. Didn't even ask if that's something I want to do for my birthday just says yes. I'm so irritated over this.

I know my family can be extremly annoying but so can his. His dad yells at our 3 year old almost the entire time we are there and one time he was even throwing grass at her because she didn't like it so he threw more at her. I didn't find out about it until right before we left but if I had saw it I would have said something.

Another time we were there she pulled a chair over to their landing so she could see her aunt doing something and he yelled at her. He said what do you think your doing? This isn't your house! Then when she got upset and I tried to comfort her she said leave me alone so he followed her to where she was at and was yelling at her saying why are you upset with your mom she didn't do anything to you. At the time my daughter was 2 and I was 7 months pregnant. I flipped. Its so hard being around him but whenever they ask us over we go. I don't know what to do other than to start saying no to things that involve his family.

2 weekends ago we went to my friends house and last weekend we were suppose to go to my moms house and he said well the last 2 weekends we did what you wanted when do we get to see my family. Well his parents havent been around. They have been at their other kids house it's not my fault that they were there. They didn't make plans with us. I can't help it if he wants to see them then maybe he should make the plans. Every weekend we have something going on, this weekend it's my bday, next weekend we have a birthday party for his friends kid the following weekend my inlaws are going to my sil birthday party. Any advice???

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on Jul. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • His dad sounds like an ass, let him go there........you take the kids somewhere else...LOL
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 10:54 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Some grandparents are just so old fashioned!! And think they can raise OUR children better than we can, that is irritating. Tell him you just want a weekend to relax the next time he voluntells you that you're going to his parents house. There is nothing wrong with him going without you. Make plans for your bday this weekend, its your day. I think its okay to get the atttitdue once in a while "its my party and I'll cry if I want to!"
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 10:55 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Do what I have to learn to do: just say no. Just don't go. If he hysterical upset, sorry. Let it be him upset rather than you one time. A little humility never hurt nobody.
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 10:57 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • You have to talk to him about it and tell him how you feel.
    momavanessa

    Answer by momavanessa at 10:57 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • This sounds a lot like how our situation used to be. We nearly divorced over it. DH's parents think in their house we cease to be our children's parents and it's caused big problems. His sister is jealous of me, has insulted me repeatedly, and our kids having so much of DH that she has actively been mean to our son. When she hurt him and claimed it was an accident I blew up. I was a week from delivery of our second baby and told him I was fed up. Christmas that year his parents pulled more of their interfering crap and I called them on it. He threatened to leave and I said go. I started packing and he begged me to stay. I told him I was beyond tired of the bull and the next time he uttered the D word he'd have it.

    I wish I had some magical advice but unfortunately if he won't talk to you and compromise, you might just need to be blunt and say this is not right and your dad yelling at our child stops now. That's so wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Don't ask just say, hay we are going to my parents this weekend.

    And tell him I know we are not doing anything so why not, so we are going!!
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 11:00 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I have talked to him about it. My family and I don't always get along so that might be part of why he hesitates but honestly we have not been to my moms house since Christmas eve and the last time we were at his parents house was the middle of May for his dads bday, before that was end of April for his moms bday and I have gone down there to drop off our daughter so I could go to a doctors appt. They never come here because it's too far of a drive but they drove 4 hours to their other kids house. I just dont get it sometimes.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:01 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Just go to your family's thing without him.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 11:04 AM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • then stop going to their events. if your husband has to think of an excuse not to go to your family gatherings, then do the same. don't go and tell him how you feel about it. you're tired of your daughter being exposed to a grumpy grandpa and maybe you have other plans.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 1:26 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I know that feeling my husband is the same way with his family...he doesnt like to do anything with my family but we doeverything with his family and it annoys me really bad...Try to talk to your husband and explian to him how you are feeling.
    shelle21

    Answer by shelle21 at 2:47 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

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