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how would you handle it?

How would you feel if your SO told you that he doesn't think about the future, so he can't answer any questions about it? Like about marriage, future kids or anything. he always says just live day by day don't plan things. How would you handle it? Does it basically sound like he is saying he won't get married because he doesn't plan anything? When I ask him questions like do you love me, or do you want to be with me, his answers are yes. I am so confused!! Help!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Dec. 16, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • It sounds like he is not ready to have a "life" yet and he just wants to dabble in anything and everything. Not necessarily that he doesnt love you or want a future, hes just not sure of where he wants to go with himself
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:51 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • I get the same answers! or this one "it's just a piece of paper!" infuriates me! i think guys just don't care. A wedding is for the girls anyway so turn around and tell him if this isn't going anywhere then it's a dead end relationship. I told my SO that and he actually got the point!
    watersgirls

    Answer by watersgirls at 3:52 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • How long have you been with him? he may just like to live in the moment! Maybe he had a relationship where his plans were to stay together in the future, but when that didn't work, now he's afraid to plan for the future in case it hurts too much to get his hopes up, or, maybe, he's not trying to completely close his options right now (I hope not for your sake). You may better be able to answer the question if you know his past. has he already been divorced? that could be a huge thing!?
    Monnek

    Answer by Monnek at 3:52 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • And just to add to my question, I don't want anyone thinking I am like pressuring him to marry me or anything, he just won't even discuss it. And am I wrong in saying every girl wants some sort of clue about her future??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • It could be many things. Maybe he's not ready to "grow up" (for lack of a better phrase) yet and start thinking about a "life plan" and all that comes with it. And not to sound rude, but maybe he knows where you want to be in life and he may not want the same right now and feels pressured into having these talks. JMO

    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 4:07 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • Planning for the future is something a mature person needs to do. Whether marriage, or unexpected bills or health problems, or retirement, or college fund, planning needs to be done for peace of mind and security.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:34 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • Having "been there and done that," I say if you're not on the same page in terms of future plans/goals, it's time to find someone who is! In my experience a man who lives in the moment and doesn't think towards the future, is not someone who is ready to settle down. They have A LOT of growing up to do. And "trapping" someone like that into marriage or a full-on commitment will only breed resentment.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 4:39 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • it sounds like he can't see a future with you. so leave. he is just not that into you. which is a book that you should probably read called " he's just not that into you" don't waste your time and yrs on this man. if he wanted to marry you he would know. my hubby did at first sight.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 5:27 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • Maybe he lives one day at a time nothing wrong with that
    LexsiesMommy

    Answer by LexsiesMommy at 6:08 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • Sounds like a cop out. If you want to know and he doesn't want to tell you, he's probably not right for you.

    Pnukey

    Answer by Pnukey at 6:18 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

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