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2 Bumps

Lazy teen

I have a 18yr old brother. He lives with me and my husband and our 2 kids. All he does is sleep and play on our computer. He refuses to get a damn job. I dont work bc I stay at home with my kids whom are 2 n 15mnths. He recently got kicked out of my nannys house bc he slept all day and our mom wont take care of him, I have been since I was 13. Im at my wits end with his smart mouth and sleeping all day. I dont know what to do anymore and im going to go crazy. Anytime I say something about him getting a job he says "when you get one I will get one." That bugs the shit out of me because of the fact that im a STAY AT HOME MOM!!!!! My husband doesnt work his ass off to support a 18 yr old while taking care of his family to. HELP

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AudinCadesMommy

Asked by AudinCadesMommy at 12:32 PM on Jul. 6, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 9 (283 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • I would never allow some one to disrespect me like that in my home. Tell him homeless shelters are no fun, but that is where he is going to end up if he doesn't get a job.
    alphamom26

    Answer by alphamom26 at 12:33 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Simple as this tell him he needs to start helping out and get a job or kick him out. If you just let him talk to you like that and don't do anything about it, he will just keep doing it.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 12:34 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Tell him to help put around the house, get a job and help with bills, and rent or get out.
    sunsetbeach81

    Answer by sunsetbeach81 at 12:35 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Tell him that he's got until July 31 to either contribute to the family's finances or to leave. His choice. On Aug. 1, you either have $$ or his stuff is on the lawn and your locks are changed. Good luck.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 12:38 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I cant put him out, he has no where else to go. and our town doesnt have homeless shelters. Ive tryd to get him to help. It took me 2 days to get him to mow the yard!!! Im already dealing with ppd and my meds r helping but they can only go so far
    AudinCadesMommy

    Comment by AudinCadesMommy (original poster) at 12:39 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • If he isn't working then he shouldn't have the privelege of using a computer that you guys pay for. I'd take away anything fun until he gets a job, and instead give him a list of chores that he has to do everyday, along with a deadline for getting a job, and he needs to fill out a certain number of job applications per week, to prove he is looking. Because the job market isn't that great I would probably give him a month or so to find a job but he needs to be actively looking and helping out at home. Tell him this is what you guys expect out of him and he can either follow the rules you guys set up or get out. And I'd make it clear that he is NOT going to talk to you like that in your home. I'd also say if his attitude towards you doesnt change he'll have to leave. And giving him a long list of chores he has to do every day will give him a glimpse at everything you really do being a stay at home mom!
    husky_grlie08

    Answer by husky_grlie08 at 12:41 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • To help him, you have to help yourself. Drop the caring mother attitude about him-he's not your kid, he's an adult who needs to learn to act like one. The best thing you can do for him is to throw him out. I'm sure he has some friends who will let him live with them. Once he is out, don't let him back in unless he signs an agreement to pay you rent. That will mean he has to get a job. I'm sorry you are going through this at such a hard personal time for you.....It will be very hard with the ppd to assert yourself, so enlist hubby to help you be the "heavy", but back him up.
    alphamom26

    Answer by alphamom26 at 12:42 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I would point out as a married couple BY LAW you have money.What your husband makes is yours as what you make would be your husbands so that explains why you have income so ummmm where is his income.?That would be the nicer way.The other is hand him a contract/eviction notice with it spelled out what he has to do to stay.Have several copies,have your husband be a part of it and stick to it!!!!
    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 12:44 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Yes, you can put him out. The reason he continues to play you is because you are allowing it. He needs to be forced to stand on his own feet or he won't do it. It's no different than a mommy bird pushing the baby bird out of the nest so that it learns to fly. Until faced with the reality of having to take care of himself, he won't do it. Anything else is enabling him to continue living irresponsibly.

    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 12:44 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Take away all of his privileges. If he wants to go somewhere, look at him and ask "Do you have gas money?" Take the tv or any electronics from his room. It is you home, you make the rules and if he does not follow them, let it be known that you will punish him for not listening. I doubt this helps, but I would most certainly do that.
    DjCabitac

    Answer by DjCabitac at 12:45 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

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