She has planned an out-of-state trip in Sept JUST for her dad and her--despite the fact that she is also married (with a toddler). She is saying this is his birthday gift from her. They will be visiting people that have become my friends also--actually, members of her mother's family that I have met and gotten along great with (as I do with her mother). Of course her father is going; apparently he sees nothing wrong with this. And I only found out about it because I mentioned that she posted on fb that she was going and my husband then told me that she had already talked to him about going. Otherwise I wouldn't have found out about this until his bd in late Aug.
I have never had a problem with them spending time alone together (dinners, etc) but a TRIP?! She tried to do this a few years ago on a much larger scale (10 days in Italy) and he and I nearly divorced over it (later, the 4 of us went; me, hubby, her, her hubby) and had a great time (in spite of the fact that she sent me an email that basically said, don't mess up this trip or I will make sure your marriage is over--which I never dignified with an reply--nor did I walk on eggshells.)
Her dad has always made it clear that she is his favorite child, which means that her 4 older half-siblings are estranged from the 2 of them. They both see this as petty jealousy on the older 4's part and see nothing wrong with 25 years having them and their families unfavorably compared to this daughter.
She and I have had a very rocky relationship but the last few years have been relatively peaceful since I have made it a point to just go along with her & her dad and not rock the boat. I choose my battles carefully and speak up when I don't agree. Of course they discount my opinions (because I don't agree with them) but if I feel strongly about something I say so. I can honestly say that I have done nothing to deserve being treated like I don't exist and this whole thing, while not surprising in retrospect, is still a shot out of no where to me. I'm not jealous--I'm hurt. And angry.
Her dad and her are the masters of the hit and run method of "discussion" (which I didn't find out until too late)--they have their say and then refuse to listen to any other opinions (which ultimately caused the rift with older 4). Whenever I stand up for myself, they simply walk away or accuse me of Whining and being in the wrong--it's my fault I'm upset, it's my fault I'm hurt because I'm too sensitive, etc.
She and I had actually gotten to the point of getting along quite well and hugging each other, etc. Since Sunday (when I heard about this trip) I am civil to her but have NO desire to spend time with her or talk to her or anything. I will not put my husband in the middle because she is an adult now and responsible for her own actions. He goes along with her because it's what he does and I can't change him.
My leaving is not an option at this time. And, yes, a lot of that is because I will not give her the satisfaction of causing our break-up.
I'm all for turning the other cheek, etc but when and HOW do I stop letting her walk all over me? I don't have kids of my own so I never learned how to set boundaries with kids and all that stuff that parents learn along the way.
I think your husband should talk to her about boundaries and that you are a part of him and will do things together. He is the one that needs to draw a line with her and she needs to respect that and you. He also needs to respect your wishes as his wife and let his daughter be his daughter and not control and dictate him. Good luck.
Answer by amazinggrace83 at 1:14 PM on Jul. 6, 2011
Answer by sugamama3 at 1:16 PM on Jul. 6, 2011
Answer by ashley_hatty at 1:19 PM on Jul. 6, 2011
Answer by mrsmom110 at 1:20 PM on Jul. 6, 2011
Answer by mlmkjw at 1:22 PM on Jul. 6, 2011
Answer by LeJane at 1:25 PM on Jul. 6, 2011
Answer by Mom_to_Skyler at 1:25 PM on Jul. 6, 2011
Answer by mlmkjw at 1:26 PM on Jul. 6, 2011
Answer by Candi1024 at 1:29 PM on Jul. 6, 2011
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