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Do your husband's friends get in the way of your relationship?

I am curious about how people cope with those friends of your husband that seems to be a bad influence on him. Almost all of my husband's friends cannot seem to maintain a relationship. Some have quit on a marriage after only a year, some have offered to hook him up with female friends/ex-gfs whenever we have a fight, some keep trying to get him to go out to strip clubs and some keep trying to make up situations where they can try to make me look bad, like inviting him to visit but trying to make it so last minute to purposefully make it difficult for me to go along w/him. If I ask to delay the trip a few hours or to another weekend, then his friends say that it sounds like I don't want him to see his friends, which is a BIG generalization considering how last minute their invitations are and how far away they live. None of his friends will return my calls even if I'm calling on his behalf b/c his phone is dead. It seems that they resent being able to have someone else single to hang out with and take all the blame out on me. They even went so far as to make a false claim that I blocked their calls when they never even called. There's no way to block calls from his account and he still has problems getting calls on a new phone. Our area has had bad reception since we moved here to the point that I can't even reach my husband sometimes. I am really tired of my husband taking his friends' side constantly. The therapist even told him that he needs to choose to support me first, not his friends. He seems to still prioritize them and trust them over me. It's like if they can't be happy, they want him to be miserable with them. It doesn't matter what it is, if I tell him something, he won't believe me but if his friends say the same thing, he believes them. It's quite annoying. How do you deal with this? No bashing please.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Jul. 6, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • It's him and them, and yes, I've had problems with them interfering in our relationship. An adult doesn't listen to and backup everything their buddies say and do and dump all over their spouse. Adults do not try to sabotage their friend's relationships. My DH has had some people like this in his life. I talked to him about it and got nowhere. They knew they were making a problem and that he was making a problem by choosing them over me. I had enough one day and told him me and our son were moving out and he was free to spend his life with his worthless friends since they mattered so much. He begged me to stay and cut ties with those people.

    The bad thing is with this kind of behavior he has to be the one to change and stop valuing them over you. Maybe he does not realize it but they do and they will take full advantage. He won't stop until he realizes what he has to lose, and he might not grow up then.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Your DH must have the same friends as my soon to be exDH. I put my foot down and told him either he settled down and started to act like a father and a husband or he would be on his ass... Marriage counseling could help you here, he must have some sort of issue with your intelligence and that needs to be addressed as well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:13 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • "The therapist even told him that he needs to choose to support me first, not his friends. He seems to still prioritize them and trust them over me. "

    The problem isn't your husband's friends. It's your husband himself. Re-read that sentence. And then read it again.

    He hasn't grown up enough. He still wants to be a single man. He isn't ready to be a husband or a father. And he's making you pay for it.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:14 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Sort of my husbands friends wife seems to try and destroy our marriage. She stalks me online and takes anything i post rewords it and sends it to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I think it's both my husband and his friends. His friends are making it easier was my point. He's not like this when he's not around his friends but as soon as they call or visit, he starts to act like a jerk. It's a very strange jekyll and hyde.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:22 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Let's look at it this way. If your child was screwing up at school, would you put the blame on his friends or on him? Your husband is presumably a mature adult; if he valued you and your relationship his friends would ALWAYS come second to you.

    He is still the primary problem.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:24 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I see your point but aside from divorce, what other options do I have to deal with this?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:28 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • YES! omg it bugs me how he practically is cheating on me with his what-we-like-to-call "boyfriend"
    i know this sounds ridiculous but to deal with this i started meeting people online at plentyoffish.com
    i met cool people already so on nights when SO is home all alone i will no longer care what his plans are i just will go out and meet new people. most the friends i do have are in relationships so that's why i wanted to meet singles for once.
    it makes me want to pay less effort into the relationship when SO never pays attention to me whatsoever. i don't even see him, ever even on his days off, it's sad. we used to be best friends now we just avoid eachother.
    lizzybee44

    Answer by lizzybee44 at 4:51 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • see my situation is different tho because we are not married, so just keep that into consideration that the only reason i let him do whatever is because that just means i can do whatever. i rather not do that but if SO rather be with his friends then i have no other choice :(
    if he were my husband on the other hand, i would ask SO to pick "me or your friends"
    lizzybee44

    Answer by lizzybee44 at 4:56 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Your husband's friends aren't the problem. Your husband is. You married a little boy.
    Ataemommy

    Answer by Ataemommy at 5:06 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

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