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What do I do about my in laws????

So my in laws haven't been on on speaking terms with me and my DH for over a year. His mother came to the wedding in March though only decided to 3 days before the wedding, his dad didn't and sometimes his mom will call him and ask him for rides places (which he hasn't been available for) but other then that, there has been no communication since May of 2010 and his dad hasn't spoken to him at all in that time and HATES ME. So anyway, sometime he and his mom will see each other at work, they work in the same hospital, but usually ignore each other. Now I am pregnant (15 1/2 weeks) and now she is hinting that she wants us to come to Christmas and Thanksgiving and things (though we weren't invited to their 4th of July BBQ, I am thinking it's cause I haven't had the baby yet). Anyway, I am due Christmas Eve but with my track record, it will probably be more like end of November. Also, my family does a big Christmas too and since this is the first year I didn't live with my mom I want to go and spend some time at my mom's house before we go to Grandma's for the day. Honestly after all that and with a newborn, we are not going to want to go to their Christmas that doesn't even start till 8 pm (and I also have a 4 year old). Does it make sense that I really don't want to do that for people who ignore us? I don't want to sound selfish but that's a lot to ask from someone who have treated like crap for almost 2 years and also I feel you can't treat the parents badly and then think you are going to be around the baby.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:08 PM on Jul. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • If you don't mind me asking, why aren't you guys speaking?

    Answer by kyheavensmom at 9:13 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I guess it depends on why you are not on speaking terms with his parents? Do they have a ligetimate reason why they are not speaking to you and your husband?

    Answer by Mom1127-0125 at 9:16 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • When my DH who was 24 at the time, I was 20, proposed, his parents didn't like that he didn't ask them first and they didn't like that instead of going on a 2 week vacation to the Philippines (which he didn't have the time off at work for and was going to be very expensive) he went on a 4 day vacation to Disney World with my family that he could afford without stretching a budget and possibly loosing his job. Also they don't like that I have a child from another relationship. They were fine with me until we got engaged, I think they thought I was just something to do until he met a nice Filipino virgin they approved of (I'm white, and again I have a child, so I guess we all know the status on my virginity lol)

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:18 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • opps, I mean I was 21 lol

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:19 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • What does your husband have to say about all this? Does he want to spend the time with your family or his? Frankly, if you two are on the same page, then there really is no need to ask :P

    But yeah, I wouldn't want to spend my time with people who won't even give me the time of day and who obviously hate me because of stuff that cannot be changed anyway.

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 9:39 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I think he wishes things were different, I think he wants to see them but the way they were before all the problems.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:43 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • It's good to have a relationship with the child's grandparents on both sides. Despite them being idiots, it sounds like they are accepting that you are going to be around. I do NOT think that spending Christmas Day with them is a good idea. You will have recently given birth or be about to do so & you have a small child who will already be over-excited & there will be too many people. I'm all about reducing "must-do's" for holidays. Why expose a newborn to that many germs? Or have them see your child's (guaranteed) worst behavior so that all their bad ideas about you seem true? What about celebrating the Feast of the Three Kings with them? Apparently that is the first Sunday in January & it is the end of the Christmas season for Filipinos. Maybe your husband can get them to agree to lunch somewhere neutral? For that matter, have him work out something with them this summer.

    Answer by Verrine at 10:02 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

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