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3 Bumps

What do you do with the bio father and his family who treat you like you are just the surrogate mother with no rights?

I am 6 months pregnant with first child. The day I went to the doctor to confirm pregnant I also found out the my at the time fiance' had been cheating on me because I had syphilis, I now call my ex "Captain Syphilis" but that's a different story. So I moved out of our apartment and had to move 3 hours away to my mom's because I had no where else to go (I had a job but was laid off 2 weeks before). Thankfully, within 3 months, I had a new job and bought a condo down the road from my mom. But my ex's family are constantly calling me saying that he is going to take me to court and make me move back and he is going to get the baby half the time or more and won't have to pay child support and they will ALL be at the hospital when I have the baby and there is nothing I can do about it. My ex also told me he WILL be in the delivery room because it's his baby and he said if he wants to invite his mom in, he will (sorry, it's just going to be me, my mom, my sister and my best friend since, you know, I will be in labor). Well I spoke to a lawyer who said that since I moved before the baby was born, they can't make me move back since I now have a home and a stable job. He also said that since I plan on breastfeeding he won't get the baby overnight till a year old AND before that he will probably have to come and have visitation in my town for only a few hours at a time. I don't really care about the child support but the lawyer said of course he has to pay that. He also told me that I have no obligation to tell him when the I go into labor so I won't have to worry about his family being there, but in any case I called the hospital and asked them and they said that I don't have to let them be there and if they come, the nurses can call security. What do you do with people who truly act like the mother is just the surrogate and has no rights to the baby or only has the rights the father says she has?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Jul. 6, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (26)
  • Well since you are the one carrying the baby and going through all the hell that comes with pregnancy you can tell him to shove it, my DH didn't even have a say about my labor, while I accepted his opinions, ultimately it is the mother's choice, since ya know she is the one trying to push a baby out of her hooha!
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 9:45 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I'm sure it will be a pain, but you need to get a lawyer and set up a custody agreement immediately, including the child support that he HAS to pay. I can't believe they are acting like that. You are the one that is going through the pregnancy and seem to be thinking about the child and not hurting your ex which is what he seems to be doing. As long as you are doing everything you should be to be getting ready for the baby, and are a good person you will get custody and he'll have vistitation. I wouldn't listen to him and just tell him if he wants to argue about it then he needs to get a lawyer, like you're planning on doing. Its sad that this is what you're having to deal with during your pregnancy but get this all taken care of as soon as possible so you don't have to deal with it any longer than you have to.
    husky_grlie08

    Answer by husky_grlie08 at 9:48 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • You tell them to go to hell straight up best thing you can do to show them you're not going take their crap as for the hospital don't call if they find out i dare them to try and force their way in i guarantee the nurses will scare them to death (i know i had a nurse who was going to shot put my MIL who tried to force her way in) i hope everything goes great for you and i hope they back off if they don't get a lawyer right away
    krissii

    Answer by krissii at 9:51 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • change your number and do not give it to his crazy family. what you say goes. i moved out of state about 3days after she was born and i am resident of this new state. i know about the whole moving out of state thing. what you say goes. i would get all this in writing from this lawyer i would actually send papers now. make it a big deal now and scare them away. they are all talk sicne you are still pregnant. wait until he gets hit with reality. i would also do what the nurses said. do not tell them you are in labor and if they do show up tell them you do not want them to visit. make it clear now. trust me you will be much much better off. good luck!
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 9:54 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Thanks, I have no criminal record or anything no drug use but my ex has been arrested 2 times and has gotten his license revoked and lost his job. Before I left him he was, as far as I could tell a good person, no record stable job, everything and we were together over a year. Honestly, if he could just act like a civilized human being, I would have no problem with his coming to see that baby after she is born and everything is settled down. I wouldn't let his family come but him, sure, but the way he is acting, I am almost thinking about not letting him see her until we have a custody order.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:56 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • As soon as you get out of the hospital file for full custody and child support. Put in the custody agreement that his family can not call you. Good luck. I wouldn't answer calls the rest of the pregnancy, if he wants to contact you give him a P.O. Box address that way all of your correspondence will be in writing.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:59 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I'm all for father rights, but his family is actually very very wrong. The woman delivering the baby is the ONLY one who decides who gets to come into the room for delivery. Even if you don't breastfeed, most states will very rarely take a child from the mother if they are under 1-2 years old.
    marieadams

    Answer by marieadams at 9:59 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • You ignore them, becuase in reality you have all the power, you are the mother. And the nurses are exactly right, if you don't want someone at the hospital or in the labor room they wont get in! It's awesome how protective they are of Moms. You're in my prayers, take care!
    Eko

    Answer by Eko at 9:59 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Also.. save ALL messages, emails, letters, ect. DO NOT talk to them on the phone, do not talk to them in person. You will need the emails and recordings in court. Get a machine that records stuff so you can take it to court with you. You have done nothing wrong and these crazy people are horrible for treating a pregnant lady like this and any judge will see that.
    Eko

    Answer by Eko at 10:03 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I bet they are only bugging you because you left him. Probably will down down a couple months after the baby is born. Call them on their BS.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 10:04 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

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