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Why is marriage harder now?

Before my husband and I had childern we were a very happy couple loved being around each other and spending time, but now that we have had our first child things have changed we argue all the time. We have a hard time being around each other without an argument. I will want to talk about our son, and he has other things thats seems more important to him. Confused .. please help

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Asked by niki.farlow at 10:08 PM on Jul. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (27 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • He is feeling left out. You want to talk about your son, he feels like you never have anything you want to talk about that involves him.

    Take some really good advise, you may not want to leave him, but you need to find a sitter for your son and spend some time with your husband. And make a point to not talk about your son. Your hubby needs to know that he is still important to you beyond being the father to your child. That doesn't mean that it has to be at night. It could be for lunch even if for only an hour.

    I didn't make an effort to do this and it caused a lot of problems that could have been avoided.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:11 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • I've always heard that having babies changes a marriage and makes it harder....but working through it brings you so much closer. My hubby and I had children coming into our marriage, so we never really had the alone time to compare it to. I think its a combination of the stress of trying to be the best mother, and best wife, and best everything...and he's doing the same. Its going to conflict. Especially when there are conflicting views and opinions about the most important thing in the world...raising a child.

    Answer by mlmkjw at 10:16 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • i guess you are right, but it seems like when I dont do everything like his mother did things .. like cook or clean the whole house like she had. Than he yells and complains to me that I should be the same as her

    Comment by niki.farlow (original poster) at 10:18 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Jademom said it.. Give your hubby some love.. Let him feel needed (by you & child) & find some time alone for you 2 to reconnect..
    Before baby all your attention was on each other so it was easier..
    Try expressing that your happy he is home after work. meet him at the door with a smile/kiss/ask him how his day was, give him some time to unwind & let the focus be on him for a bit before unloading your stress onto him.. Txt him nice txt during the day (dont lie, just say all the good things u usually just think)

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 10:19 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • You need to tell him that #1, you aren't his mother and #2, if he wanted to be with his mother, he shouldn't have left home. he married you for a reason and cooking and cleaning should not be it.
    you are who you are and he needs to realize that you will not change simply because you are now married and have a child.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:20 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • It isn't harder. You both are making it harder.
    You now have a child that causes you stress, that changes what you're able to do and when, it puts pressure on you both, it increases bills and other finances, and so on. All of this can put tension on a marriage, but it doesn't have to be something that causes anger. When you find yourselves getting upset over something you both need to step away in agreement that wen you cool off you'll talk about it. You need to find a time where you're both relaxed and ready to talk, because if you bring things up when tension is already high the moment will explode.

    Life doesn't get harder .. We ourselves only make it seem that way, because we're put in situations we're not used to. All it takes is adjustment and growth.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:24 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • He's comparing you to Mommie Dearest?

    He doesn't need love... he needs a pacifier!

    Or he needs to GROW THE HELL UP. The world doesn't revolve around him.

    While there are definitely times when you need to remember to tend to the marriage, this doesn't sound like one of those cases.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:50 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Sounds like he just wants some attention, nothing wrong with that.

    Answer by notjstasocermom at 11:20 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

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