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MY son is 5 years old but i do not have him, I have not had him since he was 1,i've never seen or be close to him for ANY of his birthdays, he is in an open adoption case In Walbash and im allowed to see him but cant w/o and address, does any one have advice on how to get him back or how to find the family?

the families name is KIM and MATT HARE. They live some where in Walbash the last time i knew..I haven't seen him for almost 2 years. I would love to be able to send him things and see him like im supposed too. I dont know where to find a good investigator to help me.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Dec. 16, 2008 in Adoption

Answers (36)
  • If he's been legally adopted, you can not get him back. That being said, you could go to and just put in their names and state where they will bring up a lot of listings, but it may help you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:56 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • Not to be the bad news delivery wagon today, but again if he's been legally adopted....even if you agreed to an open adoption...the adoptive parents do not have to honor that. You could spend a fortune to find them, but if they say you can't see the child, you can't. Sorry to tell you sad news.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:59 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • why on earth would you want to disrupt his life now?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:29 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • Sadly, many women find out that the so called open adoption contracts are not legally binding. They can cut you out without warning and there is nothing you can do to get him back now. And legally, you can't force them to allow visits.

    Even if you can prove you were lied to about the open adoption (some are told its legally binding), there is still nothing that can be done. As a birthmom, I will tell you what others have said....that family is all he knows now. I couldn't dream of tearing him from all he knows. Maybe, if you can get an address, send a letter and try to establish contact. A lot of a-parents really do want to keep the lines of communication open, but just get caught up with life and family....and there are some who simply see the birthmother as a breeder to dispose of as soon as humanly possible.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • Contact whomever the adoption was done through. If it was an open adoption (meaning identifying information was exchanged on both sides) they may be able to assist in passing on your information to the adoptive family.

    Annon 3:29 - why would you assume that contact would be a disruption? All we know is that this mother believes that contact was allowable. It is possible to have contact in adoption and for it not to be disruptive.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 8:01 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • If I were you I would start by contacting the lawyer of agency where the adoption was placed through. This way if you don't find the information you are looking for now then when your child is an adult he knows where he can find you. Keep the agency/lawyer updated on your current address and phone number each time it changes. As far as getting the parents to allow visitation - if you find them make through a letter first to prepare them. Try not to acuse them of anything (even if they were awful to move and not contact you) and just say you simply want to know your child is fine and healthy. Start there and feel your way through it. You can request some information like what does he look like, his personality, ect...then perhaps an update and photos. I would personally start with that so as to not scare the parents. Then build on that and ask for visits when they were more comfortable.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:09 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • Sorry, hon...but there is no way to get your child back after an adoption has been finalized. The women of today who are surrendering their children or contemplating such an action...should think long and hard about this 'choice' for their child. An Open Adoption is really in the hands of the adopters...they can close the Open Adoption at any time. Verbal promises mean nothing, nor the paper it is written on. There is no law requiring an Open Adoption to remain open.

    Answer by LilLizaJane at 9:40 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • So giving a child an opportunity to know and love his natural mother would be a disruption?! Please educate yourself on adoption issues.

    Answer by orangeorbie at 10:32 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • What state?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • dont dirupt his life now..

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

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