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What should I do about my 10yr. old stepson wanting to sleep with his father and I?

Well my stepson has just recently got his own bedroom and before that he has always slept with his father. He's been in his own room for about 2-3 months and we havent had any problems, but for a week now he has got out of the bed every night saying that he's scared and wants to sleep in the room with us. The first night I can understand, but now I don't know what to do because I don't want him sleeping in there and my husband gets mad at me? I don't have kids of my own, what should i do?

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Asked by stepmother21 at 8:25 AM on Jul. 7, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 3 (18 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Wow, 10 years is kind of old for that. Maybe allow it with a pallet on the floor (not in your bed) for a couple of days. Or vice versa in his room.

    Answer by Dahis at 8:27 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • Is your husband mad because you don't want your stepson sleeping in your room or because you let him?

    If he slept w/ his father before, he's obviously going through an adjustment. And he's 10, but he's still a kid.

    Maybe his father should go into his room with him to help him get to sleep.

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 8:33 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • I think he is at an age that he can fully understand the importance of sleeping in his own room, explain to him there isn't anything to be scared of, maybe give him a special toy to cuddle, a night-light... It's hard b/c he is at an age that most kids would not have any problems. I would just tell him he is too old to sleep in bed with you guys, be honest with him but still help him transition. Some how make the idea of sleeping in his own room fun, another idea is to let him decorate it so it feels like it's his. I have younger children so it's hard to say, I hope it helps a bit though! Good luck!


    Answer by HMHUTSON at 8:37 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • This happened with my now 16 year old when my husband and I got married back in 2003. He was feeling very insecure at the time and I felt horrible kicking him out of our room. But my husband wouldn't allow him to stay. I even offered to let him sleep on the floor with a sleeping bag, but my husband (who has no children of his own) didn't want him sleeping in our room. To this day I regret making him go back to his own room each time. He needed comfort and to feel secure and he didn't. He was so confused about the divorce and me re-marrying, he was having a tough time in school and was beginning to show signs of depression and anger towards me and my husband. We never had this issue with my younger son. He was allowed to sleep in our room whenever needed and he doing much better emotionally than my older son. I still feel it was a huge mistake not to honor my son's fears and neediness at the time.

    Answer by grace61 at 8:40 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • Continued....

    Had I been able to comfort him as he needed at that time, he might be a different, more loving and confident person today.

    But, everybody is different. This was just my experience.

    Answer by grace61 at 8:42 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • He is a spoiled 10 year old. Two things,,, Tell your DH he/Stepson is to old for this "I'm scared I want to sleep with you thing" he will not sleep with us. Or if you insist on him sleeping in our bed at night me and you will not be sleeping with him like that, only you will. I will sleep else where.

    Answer by louise2 at 9:08 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • I am sorry I don't have an answer for you, but people say they will stop soon or later and I wanted to just let you know that my half sister is 17 now and she slept in my bio dads bed and step moms bed until she was 14 almost 15. They gave her, her own room for when she came over on the weekends, the bought her all kinds of diffrent beds. Nothing worked. I thought that was way to old but that was just me. Hope you can break it soon. Good luck.

    Answer by mommy5409 at 9:20 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • Since he did it for this long, it is going to be a very hard habit to break. Maybe start by having him sleep on the floor then slowly move him closer and closer to his own room?

    Answer by Candi1024 at 9:27 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • "He is a spoiled 10 year old."

    That's harsh, and un called for.

    The boy is adjusting to a change. He's still a kid (not spoiled). Be patient with him. Maybe explain to him that instead of him sleeping in your bed, the three of you will have some 'family' time before bed (like reading together or playing a game). It could be that he's feeling left out a little, especially since he used to sleep with DH and not he's not, he's alone in a seprate room. You could ask him if there is something that will make him feel better (like a night light, or stars on the ceiling), take him shopping and make it special. My 9 year old occasionally still wants to come sleep with us. He doesn't like being all alone in his room. When he's having a rough night, he likes to know that i'm 'up' in the living room reading while he falls asleep. It makes him feel secure to know he's not the last one asleep in the house.

    Answer by boobarandbell at 10:09 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • oh now Louise, i didn't even give you a down vote (that was obviously two more people that agree it was harsh). At least i tried to give the op somw positive advice. the advice you gave will only cause more of a problem in a marriage. marriage is not about ultimatums, but about working together as a family.

    Answer by boobarandbell at 2:39 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

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