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3 Bumps

What did i do wrong...

I dont have the best self esteem but my 10yr daughter jst hates herself. She swares she is fat ( which is not) And ugly I dont have alot of moey but I do get some things that are in style for her but she is very determined to be like everyone else she just doesnt love herself..my kids an husband says he gets it from me but I dont hate my self...she does what did i do and howdo ifix it!!

Answer Question
 
Jme626

Asked by Jme626 at 12:05 PM on Jul. 7, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 4 (41 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Therapy
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 12:06 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • I suggested that and she says I think she is stupid!! either way I am screwin up
    Jme626

    Comment by Jme626 (original poster) at 12:08 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • Yea I would recomend Therapy, although her feelings are NOT uncommon. She needs to get involved in activities that help others and she needs to NOT hear you talk bad about yourself. You can let her talk about her feelings but do NOT let her wallow. Sometimes tought love is needed at times. Best of luck.
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 12:09 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • thanks I appreciate that...
    Jme626

    Comment by Jme626 (original poster) at 12:11 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • You both need to seek a counselor. If your husband tells you that she is getting it from you, he's probably right. You might be oblivious to your actions and that is dangerous around a teenage girl. Even the most beautiful girl has insecurities. You need to have a one on one as well with her and let her know that it is perfectly normal to feel inadequate. As for buying her the "latest" clothes, that only feeds into the preconceived notion that she should try to measure up to everyone else. I wouldn't try to handle this yourself because it can only lead to resentment. I hope you do seek counseling and start a new happy, healthy relationship with your daughter. Good Luck.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 12:14 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • She only thnks shes ugly because shes not a mirror image lf her classmates. explain to her that the most beautiful women in the world are loved not for there looks but by the things they accomplish by being THEMSELVES! Tell her to embrace her inner beauty and let it shine and she will be the most beautiful girl in the world. no one will ever like her if she doesnt like herself.
    bercasto

    Answer by bercasto at 12:15 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • Family counseling, as well as individual counseling for her. Good luck.
    .MhacFoirfe.

    Answer by .MhacFoirfe. at 12:15 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • if you and her do the same thing, be an exapmle to her, like pick a say that you are going to go eat, go shopping, etc... and get ready with her. put on make up and let her wear a light gloss that blends in with her skin.. nothing too shiny. jus pretty much let her do what you do and compliment her and let her know that she is beautiful. point out the features that you and her have that are similar, that way she will have an "im beautiful like my mommy' state of mind, interact with her more but be positive about things. kids know and learn from what they see.
    acha1985

    Answer by acha1985 at 12:28 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • It could be a combination of what she hears and see's from you as well as potentially what other kids say at school to her or around her. I have had a poor self image all my life, I never thought I was pretty enough, or smart enough, or funny enough etc.... I've been in therapy for the past 3 years and I can tell you my issues are due to lacking a god father figure. My dad didn't spend time with me, he never told me I looked pretty, he never told me he loved me...etc... I felt unaccepted at school because I didn't wear the latest clothes and kids made fun of me (boys especially). I didn't have parents that took the time to talk to me, to make me feel proud of who I am and to love the good and bad in myself. She may just need some one on one time with you and/or dad, take a walk, go for ice cream, out to dinner...ask her why she thinks the things she does so you can talk through it. Therapy is a good alternative too.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:41 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • Get your daughter involved in some activities that she likes and can be successful at. Self-esteem comes from the inside and knowing that you can learn a new skill or be successful at something. I've never had very much confidence but my daughter has a ton. When she was in middle school she became involved in sports and art. She's not great at either but they still have given her feelings of pride and accomplishment. Individual sports and activities can be great because they allow kids to develop skills and connect with other kids without being in competition with anybody.
    cege

    Answer by cege at 1:08 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

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