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I need ur advice to help me, help my niece- PLEASE?

My niece is 1 year old. Her parents have problems, a lot of problems. Her father is a druggie and an alcoholic. Her mother has bad dependency issues, and is beyond passive. They both put themselves before my niece and its sickening. On a good note, the father is finally out of the picture. My sil, the mom has moved in with her father & stepmom whom I am extremely close with. We talk daily, shes my best friend. (The stepmom.) anyway, I always knew my niece was a helliun, the last time i saw her she pulled my nephews hair out of his head bc he was into his video game & not her. Literally, hair was out of his head, and in her hand... Her mothers reaction? An extremely passive "no, honey. U are something else...." And that was it. I talked to my mil who is trying to care for her own 7 kids, and my sil and niece now. She told me my niece terrorizes her kids. Bites until blood is drawn, pulls hair out of heads, hits, screams, tells them "shut up b****" and calls them "stupid b****" my nieces mom has the audacity to fuss at my mils kids for being afraid of her and not wanting to play. There is no discipline, she will not allow others to dicipline... We are all at a loss. We are so frustrated. My niece is a beautiful little girl with so much potential. she is very smart. But she isn't being raised.... At all. I can't even say she's being raised wrong, she just isnt being raised at all. I want to help her so bad, my sil will not talk to anyone or listen to anyone. She gets defensive and walks out when ur trying to say things in the most polite way possible. She doesn't seem to realise its about her daughters well being, not about rediculing her. None of us are extremely strict or believe in disciplining with violence, but she won't listen to suggestions. She shrugs us off repetitively. I need to know how I can help my niece, but were at a loss on how....


PLEASE HELP OR BUMP OR COMMENT TO KEEP THIS POST ACTIVE AS POSSIBLE. WE NEED EVERY SUGGESTION WE CAN POSSIBLY GET. We wont give up on her, we can't.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Jul. 7, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (16)
  • Call CPS?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • Please, please give any suggestion u can think of, I'm begging all of u. Please....
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:33 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • I have seriously consideredgetting cos involve. But she has left her druggie baby daddy, and is living with my mil and fil who are wonderful parents. I will talk to them about if that is necessary. We really do not want her taken away. Any of us would be willing to take her in. My dh and I aren't financially able, and mil has 7 in the household... But we will do everything we can.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:36 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • First off, since the baby's mom is living with your step-mom, she MUST obey the house rules. Your stepmom can write them down on a chart, if that would help. But she can either follow the rules of this house, or move out. If she does move out, you can't do much to help her child, but you aren't able to help her now, right? Then, help your Step-mom create house-hold rules and consequences. You said the child is only a year but swears? Or did I read that wrong? Few one year olds really talk that much. anyway, a rule can be, "There is NO swearing in this house!" First offense, child (and mom) is reminded and must apologize. 2nd offense, lose a priviledge, like TV time. 3rd offense, sent to bedroom - or whatever punishment works for you. By writing them down and posting them, the mom can see that the same rules apply to everyone, not just her. Finally, start a once-a-week (sunday afternoon?) family conference. Set up(cont)
    LoreleiSieja

    Answer by LoreleiSieja at 2:38 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • Set up the habit of meeting once a week in a non-threatening way to discuss things. Talk about what's working, what's not working. Talk about fun stuff, like what to do next weekend, or several weeks from now, or when to go to the movies. Write everything down on calendars. This sort of meeting can draw families closer together. It can be a teaching tool for the mom.
    Finally, if she is really such a lousy mom, you should report her (anonymously) to Child protective services. They will have to investigate, and make a decision on the best place for that baby. They may require the mom to attend parenting classes, or lose custody. If you suspect child neglect/abuse, and do not report it, YOU are breaking the law.
    LoreleiSieja

    Answer by LoreleiSieja at 2:41 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • She is 1? So, I have to say this . . . .a one year old is not able to be a "helliun" . . . their brain is not capable of knowing right from wrong. They haven't even formed an identity yet, so don't put any of this on the child.
    SInce the babe is at MIL and FIL, I would talk to them about it, for sure. If mom is not going to teach the child boundaries, then they will have to step in and take that role. They should just do it. Their daughter is obviously incapable.
    If you feel that it will be accepted well, maybe you and hubby can offer to take the child and raise her.
    Good luck mama.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 2:43 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • Oh please, don't get me wrong. I don't mean to call my niece names I just was trying to figure out a way to describe her behavior. We do not blame or put any of this on her. We know her behavior is only what she's learned, from what shes been exposed to. I did not in any way mean to little her or anything like that. I should'by have put that in my original post, I guess. I just needed a way to describe what she acts like.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:51 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • I understand :)

    I would first take the route of talking to MIL and FIL. . .
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 2:53 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • She is almost two, she says b*tch, wh*re, a**, a** hole... It's depressing. Her first word was brat. If this were not my sils daughter I would've called cps in the beginning. Family begged me not to, and is still begging me not to. We finally have sil giving us more leeway in trying to teach her, but we don't really know how to handle her... She's out of control at the moment. I live in VA, my sil just moved down to GA, with her stepmom and her dad. I will be moving down there in a few months to be of more help.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:55 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • You may want to call CPS for advise. As your niece gets older and bigger these issues will get bigger too. Your step mom may need to come up with house rules for all living in her house. This almost 2-year-old sounds like a bad influence on the rest of the family because she's not disciplined. CPS may be able to scare her into being a better parent by threatening to take her child away due to the child's bad behavior.

    JSD24

    Answer by JSD24 at 4:27 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

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