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Divorce isn't the answer so please don't suggest it.

Just complaining! My husband and I rarely argue, but I am pregnant and hormonal. I have been home for 3 months on bed rest. While I have been home I am helping him with his business. Mind you I am still bringing in my usual paycheck. Since I have been helping him with the business, I realized how in debt we are. Holy crap, I could have had a stroke. Now I can't even buy a crib or anything for our first born. He doesn't seem to understand why I am so outraged. He maxed out two credit cards for the business equalling over 20,000. Now we are struggling to pay not only our business bills, but our personal bills. I attempted to explain to him and tried to understand where all the money was spent, "he said go away."So, I don't want to help but my name is on the business also. I just can't believe it got to this point and he didn't stop it before it got this bad. Now he doesn't want to talk! What to do now?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:20 PM on Dec. 16, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • you need to MAKE him talk about it because it is a REAL issue. then talk to a financial counselor or someone to help you figure out a plan on how to get out of the debt!!! AND DON"T GET MORE IN DEBT.
    Good luck
    krazyash023

    Answer by krazyash023 at 8:24 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • Let him cool down for awhile. Things tend to go better when both parties have had time to cool down. Explain to him that getting everything, especially a crib for your FIRST born baby is a big deal to women. He obviously doesn't see the magnitude of this debt. You really need to sit down and write down everything you feel so you have it on paper and you won't forget and read it to him or leave it somewhere for him. This is going to be SUCH a hard time. Money it the biggest cause for divorce... Right now you need eachother more than ever. In hard times like this you need to just embrace eachother, wrap your arms around eachother and hold eachother close. My husband and I do that in hard times so we can't point a blaming finger at the other. Good luck to you guys. Everything will work out for the best.
    MarlyeGirl

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 8:44 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • It sounds to me that he might be embarrassed that he let it get that far. He could also be worried just like you are, but obviously handling it differently. I would insist that he discuss this with you mainly because this could cause more tension then YOU need, especially if you are already on bed rest with your pregnancy. I would just say to him "I know this is stressful for you, and it's stressful for me too. I want to know what I can do to help and how we can fix this together." See if he'll answer then. Let him know that you are on his side. Don't blame, it doesn't matter at this point who's fault it is. As long as there's a solution put into place.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 8:45 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • I understand your anger however; he's already stressed out and IF you are screaming, being negative it's not going to make things better. I think you should tell him we need to tackle this together, how about we both think about some plans and talk about our plans over coffee.
    Jeannie29

    Answer by Jeannie29 at 8:48 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • Well im bad with credit cards and thats y i only have one now and i struggle with it all the time....and I know when i was married that i would just think ok ill put it on the card and then take care of it before he even knows it!! but then after awhile i found out he was sleeping with someone else so i put him in well over $250,000 in debt and then left him!!! I guess i got my alimony in a lump sum!! Anyway yes you do need to talk to him and you need to get it figured out and get it taken care of!! Good luck!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 8:51 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • THANKS LADIES: I am just really frustrated with the whole situation. Since he avoids the conversation, tonight I sent him an email with what was on my mind. I know he read it, but he hasn't said anything. I think he is ashamed, being the man, it got this far and I don't think he knows how to get out of it. I think he has had his pride damaged with all of this. I will give it time. Our CPA said that most if not all of it would be business expenses, but still we have to pay it off somehow. Guess I am freaking out and it is putting more stress on him because he was wanting me to be a stay at home mom and he doesn't see how we can financially do it. Again Thank you all for calming me down. Just heated since I am on bed rest and have a lot of time to think and ponder on things.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

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