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How would you feel? Your thoughts . . . . . .

My son's ex-friend is in the hospital right now, giving birth to my grandson. She and I are on speaking terms, but she and my son aren't. I had asked her to please let me know when she goes to the hospital to give birth & that I would like to be there. I called her today, as she's been having complications and knew that it could be any day now. She text me tonight, saying that she was at the hospital, about to get an epidural and that she didn't want ppl there. (I'm sure that her mom is and whomever else that she wants there, is) I am so disappointed. Regardless of how she feels about my son, I am still this child's grandmother and wanted so much to be there when he comes into the world. I know there's nothing I can do. I wouldn't dare show up when she doesn't want me there. It still saddens me, nonetheless. Your thoughts?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:38 AM on Jul. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Any time a new baby comes into the world without two parents who love each other, that is sad.

    Answer by judimary at 1:43 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • You need to take what you can get in terms of a relationship with your grand-baby. Don't compromise that by being too pushy. *hugs*

    Answer by judimary at 1:44 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • I am so sorry, mama. I know you must be feeling like you are missing out. That is a really big one. I really wanted to be there when my sister was in labor/giving birth, but she wouldn't have it. She said it was a private moment between her hubby and her and that I would be allowed in after they had their bonding time. She told the dr. and the nurse not to tell us even that the baby was here. And, my sister and I are very close. She just didn't want to share any of that special moment with me.

    We all get weird when we are in labor. It is possible that having you there will bring up too many painful reminders about your son. It may be too emotional for her to handle.

    Hugs. I hope everything goes well and that you grandbaby is healthy.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 1:46 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Yes, it is. It is unfortunate, indeed. It is not the child's fault he was born out of wedlock to 2 parents who were irresponsible. I just wished she were mature enough to realize that this child has 2 sets of grandparents and her mom is no more important to this child than my husband & I are. We could be no more excited about this child than if they were still together and married. The result is still the same. A child who needs to be loved.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:47 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Sorry, my computer keeps bugging out, so I'm answering you in short bursts so I don't have to start over. :P

    To answer your question, I'd be devastated. But you and your son and the mother of your grandchild: it's all a complicated and certainly less-than-ideal situation for the child to be born into, and it's not going to be easy for anyone. It's really good that you are on speaking terms with the girl, and I think you need to carefully preserve your relaionship with her, and don't do anything that might upset her, even though you want to be there, stay away if that's her wish.

    Answer by judimary at 1:52 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Knowing me i would probably go even if i had to sit outside the door and look foolish but i think what judimary said is probably right.

    Answer by Sarah961 at 2:11 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Sarah, I know some women that would too, but that's not me. I don't like drama and am not a pushy person. I will get to see him eventually, I'm sure but, being there when he made his debut into the world would have meant a LOT to me.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:13 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • I think you're perfectly within your rights to be sad, but honestly, regardless of anyone's relationship, she gets to pick who is with her. My mom wasn't in the labor room with me when I had DD#1 and that's the way I wanted it. I'm sure it hurt her feelings, but she dealt with it, and it sounds like you're dealing with it in a respectful way despite your hurt feelings. Go and see her tomorrow and cherish that baby the best you can, and try to accept that there are limitations on what you can do. If problems arise down the road, consider establishing grandparents rights so that you know you'll be able to see your grandbaby no matter what else happens.

    Answer by terirose22 at 2:18 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • I understand you are hurt but please from a mother who went through what this girl is going through (asking people not to come to the hospital) please do not bring up how you are feeling to her my MIL and i had a problem right before my DD was born and when my DD was in the NICU she kept bringing up how disappointed in me she was for not letting her in the birthroom (i had a csection but she couldn't see why my husband was allowed in the room and she was not) just go and see that baby when she invites you and love them as much as you want and tell her how happy you are for her but please leave out the I'm hurt you didn't let me come she has every right to say who comes and goes when she is in labor and hurt feelings isn't going to make your relationship are the grandparent but causing a rift now would be very bad

    Answer by krissii at 2:33 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • when i had my daughter i only allowed my first husband in the room i didn't feel comfortable having anyone else there i felt weird just having my ex in the room. don't know why. my grandma was kind of resentful because i wouldn't let them in the room. oh well.

    Answer by CEWarsop at 4:31 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

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