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Wedding Ettiquette

My husband's best friend is getting married in September and both he and our daughter are in the wedding party. I was invited to a wedding shower for the bride back in June and couldn't make it, but still bought them a gift off their registry and had my husband take it to work (he works with the groom). Yesterday an invitation arrived for another shower for the bride. Now wespent about $75 on the shower gift we already gave them. And I feel I also have to mention their wedding is in another state, so we have to shell out gas money and stay in a hotel at least 3 nights. Then there's also their wedding gift. Should I go to this shower because I couldn't make the last one? And if I go, do have to buy another gift? The groom is my DH's best friend and he knows the bride well too (they all used to work together). I don't know either of them really well, bt my DH doesn't seem to mind spending all this money on them, even though I am currently unemployed and we have a lot of debt to pay off. (And I haven't recevied a thank you note for the first shower gift!!)


Asked by Bluebird8874 at 8:41 AM on Jul. 8, 2011 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • It sounds to me like they are friends of your husband but not so much friends of you (which is just fine). If it were me, I would consider that we had already given them a shower gift and that we were giving them a wedding gift and that would be enough. Why is she having so many bridal showers anyway? I've heard of multiple baby showers (we did one for his side of the family and one for our side of the family since they never got along) but not multiple bridal showers.

    Answer by scout_mom at 8:58 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Here is the kicker, did they send you a thank you note after they opened the gift? If they didn't you aren't required by etiquette to buy them anything more. You can go to the shower if you wish but because you have given them a gift they do not require a second shower gift. Perhaps just a card?

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 8:45 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • The thank yous can take awhile. Don't base your decision on that. I have never gone to a shower without taking a gift. (I have heard that no one is obligated to a wedding gift, though) If the shower is close by and you are free it might be nicest to go and maybe take a smaller gift like some bath gel, body lotion, pretty stationery, assorted kitchen gadgets with recipe cards and potholders, etc. GL

    Answer by whitepeppers at 8:58 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • I don't know much about etiquette. I would go to the shower and not bring another gift. As you say, you have already given them a shower present. For that matter. I wasn't aware that you were supposed to give them a shower present and then a wedding present. I've always done one or the other.

    Answer by Dalimonster at 8:45 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Since I had my DH give them the shower gift before the first shower, I imagine they would have opened it. But maybe she knoew she would invite me to the 2nd shower so she is waiting to open it? But who ould really let a present just sit in their house unopened for over a month? Thanks for the advice!

    Comment by Bluebird8874 (original poster) at 8:50 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Well if the first was a wedding shower...was the grrom and bride there? This is a bridal shower...for the bride...kind of a toned down fancy version of a bachlorette party...which she may have as well...usually you get things the bride would like. Has she registered for this as well? If you don't go don't buy her something since you don;t really know her that well. If you do go don;t show up empty handed that would be rude since gifts are expected,but usually you are not expected to show up to all the parties they have. So you should not have gotten a gift for the first one.

    Answer by happymama02 at 9:01 AM on Jul. 8, 2011