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3 Bumps

Any other ideas?

How do I stop a 12 yo girl from running outside when she's mad at me? She has even taken off our property. What do I do for a consequence for leaving the house after the incident is done and over?? Maybe should say "yes, go outside to cool down but don't leave our property"?? I'm so scared if I do she will leave our property again. I'm not taking her anywhere for 3 days, no pool, or any other fun but is there a better consequence that is 'fit the crime type' that I can use???

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:58 AM on Jul. 8, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (8)
  • So she leaves the house when she is mad, not runs to her room and slams the door?
    I would tell her what she is not alowed to do. Then the next time she does it I would lock her out of the house for a while (couple hours). Then I would start taking things away.

    Answer by louise2 at 9:01 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • My 10 year old did this a few weeks ago. I stayed calm and waited for him to come home. When he did, and we were all more relaxed, I informed him that the next time he left the property I would call the police. And I'm dead serious that I would. An emotionally distraught 10 year old without adult supervision is a hazard and it needs to be dealt with seriously. It's less of a punishment than informing him of the reality he'd have to face, but he's also got to know that I'm not messing around with his safety.

    That said, the grounding sounds appropriate.

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 9:03 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Make her stay right in her room for a while! Explain to her the dangers of leaving the yard, explain that it makes you VERY worried. Tell her to respect you or her privileges will be taken away more and more! Sit her down have her look directly in your eyes and explain the consequences of her actions! Good luck!

    Answer by isismoon3 at 9:04 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • The use of a consequence for inappropriate behavior is very important. Saying that will call the police might make matter worse. Your dd might think that you are bluffing or she could feel betrayed.
    Maybe the use of "reverse psychology" might work.
    If you don't want her to leave the house when she is mad, then tell her "go ahead, leave now" some kids might not want to hear that.

    Answer by Cafemomoftwo217 at 9:24 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • my daughter DID in fact do this very thing. She left our property as she was mad at me. I called the police once I knew her where a bouts. While they would not go and pick her up themselves, the agreed to stay and give her a firm scolding. (Police are pretty good about helping parents out who show they care) My hubby picked her up, brought her home, and a female police officer scolded her and told her it was against the law to leave and not tell her parents where she was. Can't say it kept her in line the rest of her teenage life...but she never ran off again. I too learned to let her have her space when we are angry with one we could both cool off, then discuss matters later.

    Answer by momma-t42 at 9:44 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • To be clear - I told my son, straight up, that I would be calling the police because I would be concerned about his safety. It had nothing to do with punishment or a power struggle. I told him that I loved him, that I understood he was upset, but that I needed to protect him. It was fine to storm out of the house - it was fine to storm up to his room - being angry and getting away from a situation is perfectly acceptable. It was leaving the property that was the real hazard and where he crossed the line in terms of rational behavior. I also wanted him to know that I wasn't saying it out of spite or anger - this was a calculated discussion and he needed to know where his boundaries were.

    To moms who wouldn't call the police - can you imagine the evening news if something truly tragic did happen? Yeah - I stand by that decision.

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 9:50 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • I stand corrected! My children are not yet at the age of rebellion. I didn't know that the police enforcement agents were supposed to do or how they would address this problem. Now I know just in case. Thanks.

    Answer by Cafemomoftwo217 at 9:56 AM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • you have to work it out is not easy ...

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 1:21 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

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