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How to deal with bitterness?

Originally I told my husband that he didn't have to worry about helping out during the night and it made sense when I first thought of it. He works, I'm at home with the kids, it's just different. Well I was basing this off our first baby. With him, I slept whenever he slept. A lot of the time he would fall asleep on me and I wouldn't want to move, so I'd fall asleep too. Now with a toddler and an almost 2 month old I have yet to get a nap when it's just us at home. I have even got their schedules just right to where if things went right, I COULD take a short nap, but honestly that's my time to get things done around the house or pay bills and make appointments for everything.

Also, our daughter has not been as easy as our first. She has a hard time dealing with gas and lately has started waking up constantly during the night needing her pacifier to relax back to sleep. If it falls out before she's REALLY asleep and she's still dealing with pain, she'll wake back up fussing/crying. Finally at 7am when it's actually time for her to wake up, I'm tired and grumpy to say the least. You think I'd be happier with a baby that sleeps from 1-7am without needing to eat, but it's different when it's not constant sleep.

He doesn't wake up ONCE and if I try to wake him up, he'll look at me for a second and just fall back asleep. It makes me so mad that I wake up with every sound and I literally can't get him to stay awake for long enough for me just to finish a sentence. :/ He doesn't have the normal 9-5 job, he leaves the house around 11:30PM and comes home after midnight. He will seriously sleep until it's time to leave if I don't wake him up. I wake him up around 10 and she's already asleep for her morning nap by then and I've gotten our son up, made him breakfast, and got him playing a game or something. He'll wake up and start cleaning which is nice, I know a lot of guys don't do that, but I'm still extremely bitter. Plus we spend absolutely no time from when I wake him up, to when he leaves.

I'm finding myself getting more and more bitchy towards him and only him. I love my kids and getting to stay home, so it's not that. I just want him to be more present with helping me with them. He's a great dad, on his days off he's here for me and them 100%, it's just during the 8 days that he works straight leave me feeling bitter and I don't want to be.

Answer Question

Asked by ours at 1:36 PM on Jul. 8, 2011 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 13 (949 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Ya but I just feel like I'm constantly counting how many hours of sleep he got over me, or me over him, or how many times I've gotten her to fall back asleep compared to what he's done. I don't want it to be like that and don't even know how it got here. I don't want to make him feel like he's not doing enough, but it keeps going through my head and I hate it.

    Comment by ours (original poster) at 1:44 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • just tell him how you feel about what it is going on. the both of you need to communicate. for every problem there is a solution.

    Answer by natD1960 at 1:44 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • You're going to have to talk to him about how you feel or resentment will just build and build and you will eventually blow up.

    One thing that worked well for us is the nights that DH didn't have to get up and go to work, he got up with them all night, and I got a whole night of sleep. I am BFing our newest baby, so he can't really feed her, but we're co sleeping so I get a lot more sleep than I did when I was formula feeding and our baby was sleeping in their own bed.

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 4:05 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • you need to have another talk about how with multiple children the dynamic has changed. You made the choice TOGETHER to have more than one child and he is now expected to participate. I know you don't think it will help because men can sleep through anything if they so choose, but Hell, turn the light on.... shake the whole bed and tell him DD is calling for you. You may not get anymore sleep for a week or so, but at least he'll be up with you and he WILL figure out that helping in the nite OR day will get him less of a dragon in bed with him andmore of a lover.

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 4:41 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Just tell him you need a night off once a week or so- so you can sleep, take a shower, whatever. When DH was still able, he would do that for me- now on a good night, if our two year old has a bad night he will be up and handle her so I can sleep between feeding the baby so I can halfway function at work. Be honest with him that you need his help more than just on his day off- if he gripes, tell him he's lucky he doesn't have to do it all- work 40 hours, take care of the kids and the house, and anything else that comes up lol; you do most of the work with the kids, but it took both of you to make a family. It needs to be both of you raising/caring for them all the time.

    Answer by preacherskid at 11:15 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

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