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How do I handle this,,everytime I "won't" let my DS do something,,,I get told I am smothering him because I had a daughter who died at birth!

Okay,, My dear hubbs and I tried for ages to have a baby, I had a placental abrubtion, and she died as soon as she was born,,my DS loves to go to my Sil and Bil's house, but I said please don't take him on the ATV (they have no helmets, and believe it is silly) Please don't let him ride in the front seat (they live in the country and think it is no big deal) Please don't let him near the lake with out a life jacket. (they are right there so what could happen?)
My SIL has told me she thinks that I am not letting him be a "BOY". She went on to inform me that this is probably due to the fact that my son is an only child, and if my daughter had lived I wouldn't be this way,, I am mad as a hornet? IDK what should I say or do?

Answer Question

Asked by kimigogo at 2:29 PM on Jul. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Level 37 (91,454 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • Hmmm, I have three kids and all of those things you mentioned, I would be just like you. They all seem like pretty common sense things to me. If they won't follow those rules then I wouldn't let my ds go over there.

    Answer by JamieLK at 2:32 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Wow! I think I'd be mad momma and tell her that your reasons for your rules are not the issue. The issue is he is YOUR child and they will follow your rules or he will not be coming to see them at their house. Seriously! What insensitive b*tch brings up a traumatic experience to coherce you into letting HER make the rules for your child? YOU are not the one that is damaged, honey. Speak up for your rights as a mom getting to make her own choices for her own child!

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 2:34 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • I don't know what you should say, but your sister-in-laws comments are very rude. I have not lost a child, and yet I do not allow my young children on ATVs, in the front seat of vehicles, or near the lake without a life vest.

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 2:34 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • I would just tell them if they can't go by your rules he wont be coming over. I too have 3 kids and those things are saftey concerns of my own.

    Answer by BusyBeesmom at 2:34 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Well he loves to go,, but everytime there is something else that comes up,...I already feel like I am neurotic about those three things, but my SIL let her son do anything and everything he wanted to do. My hubbs says that is would be "unlikely" anything would happen, but does agree with me, just won't make an issue of it.

    Comment by kimigogo (original poster) at 2:36 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • How old is your DS?

    Answer by Y.B.normal at 2:36 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Well he isn't 18,, lol he is six and starting first grade!

    Comment by kimigogo (original poster) at 2:37 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Well, I'm on the fence here. I lost a child as well and have stresses myself sick with my other children. I get a bad case of the what it's.
    But here's where I stand in these issues.

    The lake without a life jacket, I agree. My kids have life vest on at the lake.

    The ATV, not a big deal. We own them. Use them for yard work, putting around at 5mph. The kids do ride with me. Just like everyone else in town. And no I don't use a helmet unless me and Dh are doing some serious off roadin and mudd bogging. Its not illegal. And I don't find it silly.

    The front seat of a car? No way. Airbags kill. And it's illegal.


    Answer by Musicmom80 at 2:38 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • But, don't get me wrong, there if you aren't comfortable, say no and set your boundaries. I know it must be really hard for you!

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 2:39 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • I too lost a daughter at birth and the items you are mentioning are safety issues. If they can not adhere to your safety rules then they need to be put in line. Seriously, no helmets? Lake access w no life vests. My gosh, they are being irresponsible girl. Stand your ground. To heck with them thinking you are neurotic or controlling. You keep it up!

    Answer by texasgurl33 at 2:42 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

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