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How can I get my daughter to stop telling my ex-husband what's happening in my home?

To add to my original daughter is 6, I have nothing to hide but it hurts to see my daughter so confused because my daughter is being told that she has to choose in front of a judge which parent she wants to live with. I'm married & my ex is asking my daughter if we kiss in front of her because that's sex, if she's ever made to cry in my home because that's child abuse. These are the things I'm talking about that she's telling him. He's contorting everything in her eyes & it's confusing her. She comes home telling me that when she saw me kiss her stepdad goodbye for work, she told her father & he said that we're having sex & that's bad. If she cries when I catch a snarl in her hair, it's because I'm trying to hurt her. I explain to her otherwise but she's intent on her father's word. She said if she tells her father it was an accident, he says I'm lying to her. How do I fix that?

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Asked by LOSBDucky at 10:14 PM on Dec. 16, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (8)
  • It sounds like Parental Alienation Syndrome and I would discuss this with your child's doc.

    Answer by momma2_mk at 10:19 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • Sounds like the ex is the one who needs to understand what the truth is. Perhaps group counseling would be helpful. He needs to understand what he is doing is hurting everyone involved. Your daughter can not be helped for being confused in this situation.

    Answer by afdavis27 at 10:53 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • Sounds to me like HE is the one who is playng games and emotionally abusing her .Tell these things to your attorney and get advice ASAP.

    Answer by Aprilmorgans at 2:35 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Your daughter is very confused thanks to her father. She needs a neutral party (child therapist) to be able to talk to and sort things out. Ask your pediatrician for a recommendation for a therapist is the best way to find one. Explain the situation to him/her. Definitely tell your attorney what's going on and he/she might have some suggestions. Write everything down as to what her father has told her that's contorted this way you can have it right in front of you and not forget anything. Good luck! I know from experience that this is not an easy situation. Just remember that your daughter is the most important person here.

    Answer by isledymnd at 10:12 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Wow, that is bad! You need to talk to the ex about the damage he is doing to your (and his!) child. Children need a stable home with loving people caring for them. Kissing in front of her is a sign that this is the case. And if you never "make" your children cry, you are probably neglecting to discipline them. This issue needs to be shared with a counselor, laywer and maybe the judge. I agree that a friendly child therapist might be a big help to your little girl right now.

    It sounds to me like your ex is making your case for you as to why YOU should be the custodial parent! I wish you the best of luck in this difficult situation.

    Answer by yarnjunkie at 12:22 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • isledymnd is exactly right! This is exactly what I would of said.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 1:02 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Your ex is a jerk! Your poor little girl. I can't believe he would do this to his own child!! Take his butt to court and burry him!! BTW a judge will not make a 6 year old determine who she lives with. He will make that decision. Every time your daughter says something like this, write it down. Keep a DETAILED journal with dates and times to take with you to court.

    Answer by feesharose at 1:24 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • I've never heard of a child under the age of 12 deciding which parent she wants to live with. If this is the case, the child should have a court appointed guardian at litem. That person will be a impartial voice on the behalf of your daughter. Any coaching from either parent would be considered contempt of court.

    Answer by Lizzysapisces at 5:58 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

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