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2 Bumps

I made my dh mad

we were figuring up bills and how much its going to cost to move. he is the only one working since i cant find a job. he is being garnished by collections and they took out more than we had planned. Im just frustrated at how things are going and he took it personally. I told him that it has nothing to do with him, I just hate this not knowing if everything is going to go as we want cause it seems like the more he makes the less he actually gets paid. I want this other house cause it will be 300 a month LESS than what we pay now. He has been working double shifts 16 days on 1 off then back to 16 days for the past 2 months. I know he is just as frustrated with how things are going, I didnt mean to make him feel bad. I know he is doing all he can, its just how the hand is dealt.
advice?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:21 PM on Jul. 8, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • He probably only took it personally because he sounds like he's busting his ass and on top of that tired! He's probably frustrated too because he's under stress to provide for you and seems to just be hitting walls left and right. Just give it time and he'll be happy again. Bills are never fun to discuss and there is no right time to do so lol unless he's drunk and not carrying at the moment :) Fights about money happen all the time you just have to let him know that no matter what you stand by him 100%

    dedicatedmama2

    Answer by dedicatedmama2 at 8:35 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Just hug him and tell him you are sorry you blew up (or whatever it was you did to show your frustration). You know it's not his fault. Then back off and let him cool down. Most men need to have some quiet time when they are upset and can't talk about it right away.
    KarenT214

    Answer by KarenT214 at 8:32 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • wait a little bit until he calms down after the argument and then explain to him everything you wrote up there. If he likes ber, bring him a cold beer (or soda, iced tea,etc.) to help him relax. Just say everything you want to say, or say nothing at all, and just chill out and watch some tv or cuddle. Hopefully everything will smooth over and you can enjoy each other's company a bit, without arguing, since it doesn't seem like he gets to do that enough
    Bluebird8874

    Answer by Bluebird8874 at 8:33 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • we werent fighting though, we just went over the numbers and i was in near tears cause it seems like the harder we try the worse it gets. I had said to him i just dont get it, how is it you work all the time and the checks only increase by a few dollars.
    i wasnt the mad frustrated, i was the I felt defeated frustrated. he is at work now pulling another double :( I wont see him till tomorrow sometime since he is getting my girl friend, so she can stay the weekend. her kids are with their dad and she hates being alone. we wont have much time to talk with her here. not complaining though, I enjoy her visits
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:39 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • It’s the struggles of life that make you appreciate of what’s to come. By being patient is how you help him.
    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 8:47 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • You need to let him know that you know that he is doing everything he possibly can. Do something nice for him to let him know how much he means to you..maybe cook dinner and give him a massage or something, that is what I do when when DH gets stressed out like that.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 8:48 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • I do that anyways AF4life, when i woke him up to get ready for work, i gave him a back rub. I fix his lunches for work. I post on his fb how how much i love and appreciate him. i literally worship the ground he walks on.

    he just text me and he said it feels like i lost faith in him, which i havent. my frustration has nothing to do with him. Im the type of person who has to have a clear cut plan with every step laid out in great detail. we have gotten out of worse situations before. we been homeless twice in the 12 years we been together, started over with nothing each time. I know that things will work out but at the same time its just frustrating. hope that makes sense. I just want him to understand that im not frustrated with him but the situation itself.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:57 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • He is working his butt off and u need to back off and be a little bit more understanding. He is worried too. u need to sit down & figure ways to cut stuff to lower ur monthly bills. If u have a land phone line, get rid of it & use the cell phones only. If u have cable TV with premium channels. cut it down to HBO only, Do what ever u can 2 lower ur bills. when shopping, if u really don't need it, don't buy it. Make a menu and stick to it. Make a list for groceries & only buy what is on the list, using coupons or generic brands. That is how you can lighten the load. Stressing over a house that will save u 300 per month, is that a mortgage or rent? How do you know if its a mortgage u will qualify? Its not an easy time to get mortgages right now. You need to maintain the status quo & ur husband needs a break on his hours or he will get sick. What do u do for a living? Careerbuilder.com. U should take what u can find.
    BrendaW.

    Answer by BrendaW. at 2:17 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

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