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4 Bumps

What to do from here?

I'm so lost what to do! I am absolutely miserable with my husband. I have tried time and time again to leave him, but he makes me feel horrible for one, and two and threatens constantly with suicide threats. I am literally terrified to leave him. I have recently, within the last at least 3 months i believe, met a great guy. Long ways away both unfortunately, and probably fortunatly. He is so sweet, driven, funny, just everything I've looked for. He has done nothing for the past few months about wanting to get a plane ticket and finally come meet me. And its not like he can't get a woman where he is. He is a great man. My husband and I haven't been happy in at least 2 years. I don't know why he doesn't just let me leave. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be where I am, but I'd never forgive myself if he did something because we divorce. I hate this!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:04 PM on Jul. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • He probably is saying he will kill himself to keep you, especially if he has said it before and you have stayed. If its that bad leave but tell his family first so that they can check on him. Also explain that if their are children involved that he needs to stick around for them and that children can become emotionally scared from a parents suicide.
    Heather021287

    Answer by Heather021287 at 9:21 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • He says they are to only reason he hasnt. I have told him over and over that there are so many other women out there. Surely he can find someone! I'm terrified to leave him alone with the kids if we split. He needs help, but he is military. So if any of this gets out, he gets discharged. I tried to leave months ago, yet again i stayed, now he is deployed and I cant bring up anything cause i need him focused there. Its just one thing after another.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:27 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • I am not a psychologist and definitely don't know anything about men in the military, but it sounds like because everything in his professional life is so controlled, he expects his home life to be the same way. And now that he's finding out he doesn't have that controlled life at home, he is doing whatever he can and saying anything to get some of that control back. Is there anyone like a counselor or a psychologist who knows about soldiers and the military lifestyle that you can talk to in confidence and get some advice from them. Because you don't deserve to be this unhappy and you are probably going to need some help if you really want to leave. I'm sorry you are going through this. Wish I knew something to say that would help!
    Bluebird8874

    Answer by Bluebird8874 at 9:42 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Some people say and dont do..........Some people say and do.......so i would advise you to talk to a professionial about this situation and find out what steps to take.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • So let me understand this, Ur husband is deployed and u are having an affair online with someone that you have never met in person and you think this is they guy you want to be with. u have too much time on your hands and having an emotional affair with someone online is inappropriate in ur position as a wife of a deployed father off fighting for our country. He needs ur emotional support. Not that complete stranger that is feeding u a bunch of bs on the internet. He probably is married & is a low life. Cut off the connection with the complete stranger. Wait until ur husband comes home & if u cannot mend the relationship after getting counseling, then by all means leave. But don't play with other men and have an emotional affair online while ur husband is at war fighting for ur rights and his military pay is keeping a roof over u & ur children's head. He deserves ur loyalty at this time. So give it to him.
    BrendaW.

    Answer by BrendaW. at 1:59 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • I would leave. You are giving your husband the power to use the threat of suicide to guilt you into staying. I also wouldn't start anything up with this new guy. Why not leave, get yourself settled and file for divorce before starting up a new relationship? If this guy is so wonderful he will be there while you tie up loose ends so to speak. No matter how bad your marriage is now you did love him enough to marry him at one point. Unless he is abusing you or your kids he deserves the respect to not be cheated on.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 3:41 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • To brenda, yes he's gone, he just left thursday. I have been trying for 2 years to leave him, but he makes me so worried about him. And there is no affair. This other guy won't let it go to that measure. My husband is not a dear sweet hearted man. He is manipulative, controlling, and knows the meanest things to say to tear me down. I'm not saying I am the perfect wife, but I would be alot better if I felt like I was appreciated here. Yes he is a soldier, which is the reason I was trying to hold of on things. But I've held off for months, I tried to leave in March, give him time to deal with things and whatnot. But he started his threats and how he didn't want to live. I couldn't go. I realize this isn't the most normal if situations..but I didn't come on here to get bashed. I came for advice on how am I suppose to leave, when I'm scared he will kill himself. So either advise me, or leave me alone!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:06 PM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • You know he is manipulative and controling, he is using suicide threats to guilt trip and control you, I had a guy friend pull that crap on me, I left and as far as I know he is still alive and I am a lot happier without him in my life. you need to do what is best for you. If he shows no other signs of depression and suicidal behaviors you have nothing to worry about he wont do it
    DianeMary

    Answer by DianeMary at 3:37 AM on Jul. 10, 2011

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