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How do solve this problem

I have a grown step daughter that still thinks shes a teen ager she's 24....over the 4th of July holiday my step-daughter came to my home (which I wasn't there). She has 2 little ones 7mths and 3yrs. She visited with her inlaws for I came home from my trip at 11:30 pm. and walked into a huge mess. cloths all over couches and on the floor. dishes. It freaked me out. i told her she trashed my house.She gave her excuse of her visiting...didn't have the time. Told my husband about his daughter and he told me to mellow out that he wanted a calm visit with his daughter and was sure she would clean it later. Well that didnt happen for 4 days. It sat that way while we had a 4th of July party around the disaster (which embarissed me). During her time here she partied with her 3 girlfriends...husband said shes "sewing her oats". I am talking about grandkids in the sun with only a diaper and a pair of panties on. Baby only eating bread and drinking his bottle. I was told there happy. Its ok. Tell The daughter passed out on the 4th...for 5 hrs. and we had to take care of the kids. Husband says...she (Sam) had to much sun...she needs to you can see where this is going. I have been shut down by my husband. Because she's daddys girl and we don't tell Samantha no. But when I got mad and said shes disrespecting me and my home. He said I was blowing this out of porportion. And I should have left it alone. Know I am in the dog house with him. I think he hasn't backed me up. Or protected our grandkids let alone our property. I am looking for advice. I dont know if this is the sight that can give me "step-parent counseling"

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Asked by ria104 at 9:40 PM on Jul. 8, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (12 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Bless your heart. I wish I had an easy answer for you. My, personal, response to a hubb that didn't support me would be to tell him to grow some balls and grow the hell up. Personally I wouldnt' want that girl in my house again.

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 9:45 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • I think you have every right to be pissed about this irresponsible person trashing your house. Your husband needs to pull his head out of his fifth point of contact and wake up to what's really going on around him. I wouldn't hold my breath on this one though.

    I would suggest laying down the law over this and making your expectations clearly known to her, but if she's Daddy Brat she'll just run to him and he'll undermine you. Other than packing a bag and staying in a hotel while she's around I don't really know what to say to make this better.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 9:48 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • I do not care what my DH would have said I would have been on her ass. About everything. I would have told her to get out of my house and go stay with your friends. DH would have just had to be mad.

    Answer by louise2 at 9:52 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • If we don't like our situaltion we have to change the way we think about it . Yes she was wrong, past tripping won't change it. It sounds like she has some issues. However, just do what you can in the future to prevent this from happeneing again. It is great you are there for her and the kids. Just love them and show them the way. Sometimes that is all we can do. A few comments and demands here and there don't hurt.

    Answer by LeJane at 9:57 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • That would have gotten on my last nerve! Ugh!

    So . . . if it were me . . . I'd try really hard to let go of the passing out, mess junk. But, as far as the little ones are concerned, that is where I would put my foot down. At my house, there is to be no neglect going on. If I see it, I will say something and/or take control. Where kids are involved, mommies and daddies don't get to do that stuff in front of me. I won't have it.

    You can tell I am popular around here with the loosey-gooseys.

    Hugs mama.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 10:06 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • Id be very likely to tell him

    'You get this staightened out or one of us is leaving.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on Jul. 8, 2011

  • If he kept defending her bad behavior I woulda told him fine you deal with it and then I woulda packed a bag and left and found a nice hotel to stay in until I felt like he may have learned his lesson

    Answer by DianeMary at 1:41 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • She wouldn't be visiting my house again, ever. She needs to grow up. If your husband is so supportive of her behavior let him go spend time with her at a hotel.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 3:35 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • Completely agree with what everyone else has said.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:02 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • tell your husband his daughter will be given a list of "house rules" on her next visit and they will be inforced. otherwise tell him to go over her house to visit, i bet its a a mess. please continue to make an effort to be in your grandkids life. sounds like they will need you.

    Answer by lillie70 at 2:11 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

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