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i have a stepson. but i dont love him like i love my kids is that bad.

i have a hubby that i have been married to for a year and he had a son with another girl before he met me. And his son is spoiled. but now we have our own kids a girl and a boy. but i would rather take care of my own kids because i feel like its my job and it is. but when he asks me to buy a toy or clothes for his son even though i haven t bought toys or clothes for my other kids that day. i tell him no let his mother do that. but his mother is doin what ever with his money ( the sons) and i don't find it fair, i mean i love him just not like my own.what do i do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:41 PM on Dec. 16, 2008 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (14)
  • Well being that you got into this marraige knowing he was going to be part of your family &

    everyday life he should be treated as everyone else, if he is being a spolied brat which I can

    understand gets under your skin, have your husband talk to him (U didnt mention his age) & maybe work towards liking him. Kids definatley pick up on not being loved, liked & he going to have some issues growing up.................. It's no surprise what you were getting into a year in so

    try to resolve it before it gets between u & hubby good luck!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • I think you better hide that feeling and hope to god the little boy never picks up on it. You married someone with a child...that isn't the child's fault and he shouldn't be treated like a second class citizen of your house because you have natural children now.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 11:48 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • I understand you. My DH pays out the ASS for child support to his spoiled kid while we sit here without enough money to pay bills. Of course, I do not want to take it out on his son but it really boils my blood especially when his EX calls and asks DH to go halfsies on xmas presents for their son!! Jeez, she gets $700 a month from us! Buy the shit yourself!

    Answer by MammaMia72 at 12:05 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • well. some one once told me, if you love daddy bear, you also need to love daddy bears little cubs. treat him like if he were your own, he is not as lucky as your kids, because he does not have his real mom with him, to him YOU are his mom, when he is with you, the way you treat him now he will remember for the rest of his life. Kids have good memories. maybe one day when we are gray and old, your stepson will help you kindly in some way or ways, if your own kids can't, never know, what comes around goes around, show him your kindness and love, and you gain a son, you are so lucky to have the responsibility of a stepson

    Answer by ashleyamanda at 12:35 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Yeah, that is really mean. It is not the child's fault and I hope he doesn't feel that you don't love him teh same. If I were his mom and found out I would be beyond pissed and very concerned.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • You need to stop thinking of this child as not being yours. They're ALL yours now. let's put the show on the other foot. What if your husband wanted to treat your children the same way because they're not his? You'd probably be very angry, and rightfully so.

    This is where "yours" and "mine" become "ours." Talk with Dad about discipline methods for ALL THREE kids. Equal treatment. Purchases are also equal treatment. (Exception for replacing outgrown shoes and clothing.)

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:57 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Way back when I was a child, it was normal for mixed families to acknowledge this feeling. I didn't expect my stepmom to love me like her own, just to not mistreat me. She gave me chores and set expectations for how I was to behave in her home, but my dad did any deciding to buy for me or disciplinary things that needed to be done. In my mom's home my stepdad didn't take over a fatherly role with me either. He liked me and we got along well, but if he needed to address something with me he went to my mom. She parented me. Both of my steps had children and I saw them treated somewhat differently than I was treated by them, but my parents also treated me somewhat differently than they treated theirs. Now that it has been 25 years it has worked around to not being that way with the grandkids, but it was that way with us as kids and I never thought much of it. I liked knowing my parents were still my parents.

    Answer by GrowingMama at 1:10 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • You didn't just marry a man...you married a family.

    I also hope that little boy doesn't figure out your true feelings...but he probably already has.

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 7:19 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • I agree with everyone else. This is something you knew before you married him. Look at him through the eyes of "this might not be MY child but hes someones child". His mother feels about him the way you feel about your kids. Try to see it like that.

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:02 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • My son is going though this right now, he has to go to NC for Christmas with his father and he does not want to go. His step mom treats him like trash half the time, he is always cleaning up the mess of his step sister and half brother. Her daughter has EVERYTHING and GETS EVERYTHING she wants and he gets nothing or trash in comparison.....she gets upset when he has to get something for him (he goes there for the summer) she says that he pays child support and they should not have to buy stuff.

    Now my son is almost eight and he has picked up on this, so I am willing to bet your son has or will too. Please try to work these feelings out. I know it will be hard but it is for the best.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

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