Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Are you supposed to support friends in bad decisions?

I have a couple of friends who choose to be with bad people and then expect me to be there when bad things happen. I know people have to live their own lives but their bad choices have negativly affected my life so much so that I am thinking of dropping the friendship if they are going to continue to live this way. I have always been a loyal friend but I have a family and a life and this drama is dragging me down. I know that bad things happen and am willing to help a friend in need but what about when the problems are unecessary?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:42 AM on Jul. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • tell them you love them, but you hate to see them live their lives in such a manner and it hurts you to see them in such pain, but you cant continue to support their poor decisions. until they either change, or even alter, their lives, then you cant be a part of their problems because you have your own life to live.

    being a friend means being supportive, but it also means being truthful, even if the truth hurts sometimes

    Answer by flamingomegs at 9:47 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • Thank you, I feel I have had enough but feel so guilty for feeling that way.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:50 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • This may sound type tough but Imma keep it real with you .. drop em because when the real ish hits the fan who is going to hold you down.. if they choose that road thats on them.. you know what you need to do GL.. Tough love. MajesticLady. :)

    Answer by MissCheare at 9:51 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • Maybe it would be best to be low-key and not give advice, or comment on issues with your friend. Just tell them you just can't do it anymore and it hurts to see them in so much pain and yourself as they go through the messes. If that doesn't work you may have to stop the friendships as hard as it may be.

    Answer by cat4458 at 9:55 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • I know how painful it is for you too,i've gone thru it many times myself. The day comes when you have to confront them about the situation. Just remember you at least tried to help,they may not appreciate it until they dont have it (support that is) Best Wishes

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • No. A true friend would only want what's best for YOU. These "friends" you are describing sound incredibly selfish. A true friend should love you enough to be honest with you--even when the truth hurts. For instance, when I got married the first time, my best friend wouldn't come to my wedding because she felt that I was making a huge mistake. She was right. If the decisions of these people are having such a negative impact on you, you should sever the ties. All you would be losing is misery.

    Answer by popzaroo at 10:14 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • A pastor I used to work with and I talked about my sister being abused in her marriage, and she told me "you can't make her decisions for her, you just have to be there for her when she falls" And eventually, she fell, and I was there...not with an "I told you so" attitude, just there to help her pick up and carry on.

    Try not to judge the actions, because I think most of the time people are doing the best they know how to at that time.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 10:39 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • I guess I'd need more details... to say "bad things" I cant' judge either side.. you may feel it's not what your into and thus is bad, but to others it may not be.. OR it could be something obviously bad.. but without knowing some of these issues it's hard to say how to go about it..

    I guess my advice would be that if you are uncomfortable with their activities then just slowly let the friendship fade out... Explain what you dont' like to be around, and either they won't bring those issues around you anymore, or will slowly drift away on their own accord.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:54 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • Bad things meaning violence. Being expected to be around unstable violent people that need mental help. I'm all for being there and helping them out when they fall but what about when you pick them up only to go back and fall again are we really supposed to keep picking them up? Or do we leave them there and make them clean up there own mess? I'm not talking about listening, I am always here to listen but I don't want to be involved. I think I know what I need to do but wanted someone else to tell me that it's okay to draw the line. I am going to wash my hands and stear clear of the whole situation, if my friend feels what I have done so far is not enough then I guess that ending the friendship will be her choice.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:45 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • If they ask you for advise but dont get involved...

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 3:12 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.