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Parent that drink

What do you think of parents that drink with their kids around?
Taking them to restraunt / bars. The poor girl tells my dd she's so bored, sitting there while her parents and other friends drink.
Id never do that to my kids. But then, I don't drink...

Okay, the same thing for smoke, do you smoke infront of your kids?
I have family that smokes, so they are around it occasionally. But I don't smoke either and our home is a no smoking zone.

Having male friends over?
I once has a serious boy friend, who got to know my kids. (After my divorce) this guy and I are still friends but no longer together, my kids still talk to him, as well.

What other bad influances do you try to keep your kids away from?
Do you think, these actions or lack of will shape the way that child growns up and sees the adult world?

My kids are ages 17,12 & 11.

 
SassySue123

Asked by SassySue123 at 10:00 AM on Jul. 9, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 22 (15,145 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • I don't think that drinking is a bad influence or that there is anything wrong with it, and we drink in front of our kids (who are just 1 month, 4 and 6). We model drinking in moderation. My parents did the same thing with me and I've only been drunk once, during college, and I hated it. I don't think that it's ever okay to get drunk. Drunkenness is disgusting. When we drink, we have one, maybe two, and no more. So if we go out to eat, and I have a glass of wine, we believe that it's a GOOD thing that our kids see that. So many people don't realize that it's even possible to drink and not get drunk, and I want my kids to believe that drinking is fine, but getting drunk isn't.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 10:06 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • I think there is a difference between having a drink (say, a glass of wine at dinner, or A beer at a bbq sort of thing), and "drinking" (implication that you are sitting there, getting drunk).

    My kids (ages 18 and 17) have seen us drink - again, it's only occasionally, we don't get drunk, we aren't having tons of drinks, there is no driving after having a drink, etc. I also cook with wine, sherry, etc - things like chicken cordon bleu in white wine sauce, margarita chicken, and so on.

    It isn't some big, mysterious thing to them, nor is it a "party all the time" message. It's the message that it's ok to have a drink every now and then, but it's an adult thing, and it must be done responsibly and sparingly, and it doesn't bother them. And they're both good kids, good grades, very involved in friends, sports, church, scouts, and volunteering, so it's not turned them into drunk delinquents. :-)
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:09 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • Oh, and by the way, in most European countries, as well as other places in the world, there isn't the same sort of stigma and shame that goes along with drinking. That matter of fact approach has led them to have much fewer problems with alcohol, lots less teen drinking, drunkenness, and such. (Also, less problems with things like DUI's and stuff..)
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:12 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • there is a difference between going out to dinner & one parent having a few drinks, and both parents going out to drink to get drunk & dragging the child along. I will have a drink if my husband is driving when we go out to eat. My DD, who is 9...doesn't even pay attention to what i am drinking. Even if she did, it would not matter....because the truth is...that grown ups drink alcohol sometimes. Why try & hide something that is so common from your kids? I don't think that me drinking occasionally with turn my child into an alcoholic.

    So, yeah...i do drink in front of my DD. It's not often. I have a drink or two maybe 2-3 times a month. I do not smoke though, so i definitely don't smoke in front of her.

    If parents are casually drinking, i see no problem with it. It's when the parent has a drinking problem that makes issues.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:50 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • I have always drank in front of my son. There is nothing wrong with showing a child RESPONSIBLE drinking. I do NOT take my child to a bar and drink, that is irresponsible. I don't smoke so can't answer that one. I have had only 1 guy in 15 years stay over and we lived together. My son knew him from the start because we met at my son's baseball game.

    The US needs to be more open with kids about drinking and sex, etc. In Europe there are more teens drinking, having sex but LESS cases of alcohol addiction and teen pregnancy. Education is very important and so is making things not taboo but showing responsible behavior.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:56 PM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • Really, it's difficult to say on what the outcomes will be on children... from any family situation. Growing up, it was nothing to smoke in front of your children, take them to bars with you, not have them in car seats, etc. It was just the way things were back then. Now a days, it's different.... now we have children who are sitting next to mom and dad while they make meth and do drugs... heck, even go so far as to have sex in front of the kids. It's sad really. Let's face it, it's just too damn easy to have children in the first place. It would make things a lot easier if a complete, thorough back ground investigation was to be done before children could be conceived... LOL! However, it doesn't work that way.

    All I can say, is you have to take care of your own children the way that you feel is the best.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 10:12 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • As far as the rest of it, DH smokes, but only outside, and tells the kids how bad it is constantly. I do the same thing. I think smoking is gross, and I never would have married DH if he had smoked when we met, but he started smoking after they hit a big IED in Iraq, and has had trouble quitting.

    DH and I are married, and have friends of both sexes over to visit. We believe it's important to model a healthy relationship and healthy friendships for our kids.

    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 10:13 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • there are many things parents should and should not do, and many parents do not do the right thing. My grown son (37) is a party D.J., and he recently D.J.ed a party for adults - some brought their under age 12 children. One adult, who would be writing his check, requested songs with '4-letter word' language; another adult complained. when the complaining adult, with children left, the other adults, with children expressed relief that the person with the poor attitude was gone, so now my son could play the kinds of songs she was complaining about.
    I believe all adults need to have many 'what you should do,' conversations with their children. My son and I both felt the adult was inappropriate in exposing her children to inappropriate language.
    HOWEVER, I cannot tell another adult how to raise his/her children. I have taught public school, and I have had the conversation about appropriate and inappropriate language.
    dreamalong

    Answer by dreamalong at 10:17 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • I ment having boyfriends over to stay the night.
    Not never having company, uncal John and aunt Jane. For the weekend.
    SassySue123

    Comment by SassySue123 (original poster) at 10:19 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • I don't drink very often around my kids and when I do it's not out of a beer bottle, it's disguised mixed drink. I don't smoke and I'm happily married so no strange men jumping in and out of my bed. I think you have to put your kids first, once you are a mom you need to act like it.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 10:39 AM on Jul. 9, 2011