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Should I let my daughter make her own mistakes when there is a child involved?

I have always found it hard to let my kids make their own mistakes and have for the most part I tried to help them through it because it was easier for me. Now that they are young adults it is so hard to let them make their own mistakes like I am sure it was for my mom. Now my daughter has a wonderful little girl and I am not sure if I should to step back or take charge. My grand daughter is not in any danger but I feel that my daughter is not making the best choices in the living arrangement for both of them. Should I try to make them live with me or just step back? My daughter is going through a divorce and does not have a permanant residence but chooses for her and her daughter to stay with friends. I do not like this decision but again should I step back? I can only imagine what is going on after the baby goes to bed. As a mom I fear the worst. Please let me know your opinions.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Jul. 9, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (15)
  • First off, I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot with this. My kids are much younger and I am not looking forward to these days, I can't imagine what it must feel like to not be able to "pick them up" when needed. I think that you really don't have a choice here. You can't "make" her come home and if you put too much effort into trying it's just going to backfire. I say take her out to lunch or something, tell her you love her and that the door is open. Good luck!
    Jessica157

    Answer by Jessica157 at 10:32 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • I think you need to step back and let her do her thing, unless of course you see danger in your granddaughters life.  Your idea of parenting might not be hers, you don't have to like the decision, you give your opinion only if asked......

    older

    Answer by older at 10:34 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • The key phrase here is that your "grand daughter is not in any danger" - as long as it stays this way you need to step back and let your daughter be the parent.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 10:36 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • You can't "make" her live with you but you can suggest to her that it would be good for both of them to have a stable living environment and that your place is available.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 10:51 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • sorry, but you have to let her do this on her own or she will never learn. It's sad that she doesn't know how to be a grown up now. Your granddaughter isn't in trouble. You need to step back and let her grow up
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:13 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • sorry moma as hard as its going to be as long as that baby isnt in any danger you need to step back and let her be an adult......and as an adult you cant make her live with you nor can you run her life if she choose to live with you......
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 11:13 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • I guess I knew I needed to step back but it is just so hard. As an adult I know that my daughter will probably get into trouble if she keeps up this behavior and I feel helpless. I really hope she sees the light and grows up before that happens. She has been in trouble before and one would think she had learned her lesson but apparently not. I find it very hard that her lifestyle is not like mine, but that is something I will have to cope with myself, we are not all the same. I will have to try to do the best for my granddaughter when I have her and hope her mom sees the example. Thanks for the advice, it helps alot.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:13 AM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • My mom would tell me "You can't have a baby bouncing around your friends' houses. You two will come here until you have a steady place to live." Regardless of what I do with it, she would not leave me with any questions in my mind over what she thinks about the situation or that I had the option of coming home.

    I guess let her know what you think and what her options are, but as we all know, there is no forcing her as an adult.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 12:41 PM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • Did you stay at your friends after you had kids?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:47 PM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • Yeah, we gotta give them a chance to prove themselves.
    Sarah961

    Answer by Sarah961 at 11:27 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

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