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2 Bumps

Introducing Father to Son

Long story short my Oldest sons Bio dad has been MIA since I was 6 months pregnant. We were younger ( I was 17 he was 20) when we got pregnant. The week that I concieved the baby I got drunk and slept with 2 other people. Which is basically why Bio left. There was so much going on that we just didnt know how to where to begin to fix it. So we walked away from a messy situation. Bio has been calling on and off for the past 3 years and always says hes changed and wants to be in sons life but then he disappears again. But over the last few months hes stuck around (normally he disappears after a week) and has been talking to son and with me. He's coming back from the road in Sept. where we are getting a DNA test (finally) and will find out if he's his (they look alot of alike). Well my son doesnt call him dad he calls him by the first name because I don't want to confuse him. He's called two men dad in the past. But we want to introduce them after the DNA test comes back yes. I just don't know how to go about this that will make my son the most comfortable. Bio plans to move here and be in his life 100% and we have even talked about starting over (we're highschool sweethearts)..I just dont want my son to be confused. Any suggestions?

 
SweetPoison

Asked by SweetPoison at 1:21 PM on Jul. 9, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 17 (3,609 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I suggest taking it really slow and after the DNA test comes back meet on neutral ground. Somewhere were you would only talk about superficial stuff. You have let him get to know him as aperson first and then decide if he wants to further that. I wouldn't let him go head first and start spending every waking moment with him right away. Maybe a couple phone calls duriing the week and maybe a few hours after a little while on one day durring the weekend but still on neutral ground. I would wait at least a month or 2 before letting him spend to much time with his father. You don't want the kid to put his whole herat in it just to have his father disapear again. It should be a long long time before he does anything over night. even if you guys become involved make sure your child isn't over exsposed and keep the relationship from him until you are sure it's a sure thing. All this is from experiance.
    MrsLLove

    Answer by MrsLLove at 1:32 PM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • Just wait until you know for sure. It is hard for the child to call someone Daddy and then they leave. You sound like you know that, so just keep with the plan. He can call him Daddy once the test comes back, but I would be cautious about starting your relationship again, until you know he is sticking around.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 1:27 PM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • Take it slow. Since this is posted in preschoolers, I'm assuming that your son is 3 or 4. Go out just the 3 of you to the park or the zoo or maybe just for diner. You need to reacquaint yourself with him as well as acquaint your son to his dad. I wouldn't tell your son until you know or sure and maybe not until you have an idea if you'll become a family. At 3 or4 he's not going to understand what a dad means from just he word. This man needs to show he's the dad through his actions first. The words can come later after a relationship is established.

    JSD24

    Answer by JSD24 at 1:40 PM on Jul. 9, 2011

  • You need to reacquaint yourself with him as well as acquaint your son to his dad. I wouldn't tell your son until you know or sure and maybe not until you have an idea if you'll become a family. At 3 or4 he's not going to understand what a dad means from just he word. This man needs to show he's the dad through his actions first
    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 7:07 AM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • why would you have your son call 2 men dad in the past if you don't want to confuse him ? Jerry! jerry ! jerry!
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 1:28 PM on Jul. 9, 2011