Let's think hard and put yourself in this situation:
You got married while having a 4 year old child. Your husband knows that your child started calling him "dad" within a year of your two being together. Child has no knowledge of her bio. "dad".
Then fastforward a few years, and now you both have 2 younger kids (preschool and infant) while your child is now entering 5th grade. You both are still struggling financially since he is still working while extremely busy finishing up his degree at vet. school.
Until then, child support from the bio. one is one of the things depended/budgeted on. Until recently, it has been consistent (bio. pays but doesn't want anything to do with child)...AND although, when possible, everyone uses same last name but husband hasn't "legally adopted" child yet since we are barely getting by temporarily and the child support helps greatly.
O.K., so theres the background. Here's the dilemma that I would like a logical perspective from a momma looking on the outside so to speak: Child support has recently been absent at the worst time. Husband got laid off but fortuantely got a certification to allow him to work with a bit more pay but has yet to work until he starts his new semester. We ran out of diapers for youngest two, and I've been planning on buying oldest this supplemental textbook for her upcoming schoolyear. This supplemental textbook is NOT mandatory, but I've been waiting for child support for months to get this book for her.
Anyway, I finally got some support in, and quickly brought necessities like the diapers for the youngins. But we all went to the bookstore to purchase to book and my card got declined. Embarrassed and upset, I told my husband in the car "all because I had to buy diapers".
Well, he was a bit takenaback.
I then said it'll be alright, I'll buy it when he gets his money in from his car (he sold his vehicle but the money will be officially wired later next week). He didn't like that.
He told me that he's fine with his paycheck (and school loans) buying oldest child's things too (I'm assuming because I looked like I blamed buying diapers with not getting oldest her textbook). I told him "yeah, but you are her father". Then he told me something (I forgot exactly) that I replied with "well, you ARE her father you should and also this money (child support) is from HER Bio. dad too".
It made sense when I said it, but he got SO PISSED. Was mean to me later that day and I didn't know why (I had forgotten about it shortly after).
So, then he proceeded to tell me when his money comes in (he sold his vehicle and will get papers completed soon), I'm not getting a single thing.
I asked him what exactly he was mad at, and he told me he was embarrassed card got declined...but I knew that wasn't it. He told me forget it, didn't matter, and just the "things I say".
So, can someone clue me in? I feel bad, but I also don't see exactly what I did wrong. I mean, he DOES treat all our kids equally and also financially gives to all relatively equal, and I ALSO "share" child support; I never considered child support something "only for this child" but the fact I couldn't buy what I've been wanting for the oldest makes me think..Maybe I SHOULD start considering it like that?
Or do you think that will create more problems?
Thanks for any HONEST advice.
Asked by Anonymous at 5:53 PM on Jul. 9, 2011 in Parenting Debate
Answer by Anonymous at 6:08 PM on Jul. 9, 2011
Answer by Jademom07 at 6:08 PM on Jul. 9, 2011
Answer by ochsamom at 6:17 PM on Jul. 9, 2011
Answer by keisha613 at 6:20 PM on Jul. 9, 2011
Answer by keisha613 at 6:22 PM on Jul. 9, 2011
Answer by SassySue123 at 6:24 PM on Jul. 9, 2011
Answer by gottalovemal at 6:37 PM on Jul. 9, 2011