Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

so frustrated

Boyfriend wont have sex with me. Our relationship seems fine... fights here and there, but he has NO sexual appetite. :( Its really hurting my self esteem. I try talking to him about it, and he says the more I bring it up the more sexual anxiety he gets... so i dont say anything, and he just doesnt give it to me... and the cycle gets worse and worse. any advice?

Answer Question

Asked by Sherrae at 2:02 AM on Dec. 17, 2008 in Relationships

Level 9 (335 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • INSIST that he see a doctor. Lack of a sex drive can be an indicator of health problems. Tell him not going is NOT an option if he wants to stay with you.

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:11 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • There might be something wrong with him down there.... Maybe he's having trouble getting it up? That's something NO man wants to admit. Knowing that they can't perform for the woman they love is THE biggest ego killer for a man and the only thing I know of that could cause him sexual anxiety. You just need to be gentle with him. Don't get upset with HIM. Men don't know how to deal with this kind of stuff. Show him how caring and understanding you are. Ask him if there are any sexual favor he'd like. Just be sweet. Stress can cause things like this to happen. Good luck. I hope you get some good lovin soon!

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 2:12 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • I wouldn't threaten him with the "Tell him not going is NOT an option if he wants to stay with you.". It MIGHT scare him and make him more anxious and make things worse. DO show concern and be adamant that he go. How would you feel if he threatened to leave you for lack of sex drive?


    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 2:14 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • The other possibility is that maybe he is depressed. I know when my hubby was depressed there was nada going on. Large amounts of stress can also do it, because then the outside stress is ALL they can think of. If you think its just stress try doing something just romantic that will lead up to sex, something to take his mind off the outside pressure. I know its easier for me if I dont feel like I have this sex standard and i am going to have to preform. If you think its an issue down there or that he is depressed you should see a doctor.

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 4:33 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • What I meant by romantic act is, something like give him a long slow sensual massage and let him know that he isnt required to "do it" that you just totally enjoy touching him. Or try blindfolding him and sensually feeding him rich foods. Again make it clear that you find him so appealing that sex is not even an issue. Also try studying tantra. Tantra teaches honoring your partner in order to foster a sense of control in your partner (in a positive way). (Control as in, not forced but honored). Plus it can lead to lots of fun.

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 4:37 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • I know with my hubby he occasionally needs for me to! Yeah, if I talk him up, mention how big and strong he is, talk about how sweet he is, and how tough he is, mention what a good father he is, and ask him if there is anything I can do for such a wonderful, intelligent will get his confidence up, which in turn raises something else... ;) ;)
    Good luck to you dear!

    Answer by BabyBeans0506 at 4:53 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Ah. I know this situation well. My husband has always been the shy, reserved type who would easily become anxious about sex for all sorts of reasons. I used to be the one to get things going... petting his ego, so to speak. I did everything kinky imaginable to keep things lively. But now that we have a baby, he feels stressed and tired a lot (well, so do I) and he blames our lack of sex on that. However, I'm also 40 lbs heavier now than before the baby and I know that he's not too crazy about that... So, I'm insecure and I don't make any moves and he, at the very least, feels like it's never a good time. So, we're dead in the water. I'm not sure what the next step is. We're fighting about it a lot now. It's very stressful. I wish he would just get some balls and make a move on me... Sorry, I don't have any answers. Just commiserating.


    Answer by CluelessCarrie at 5:12 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.