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I am a single mom to be, the father of this child is demanding my baby boy takes his last name, and yet I have no plans to ever marry him. Is this fair?

He was my best friend, we drank a little too much and slept together. We were drunk and not careful at all, two weeks later I found out I am pregnant. Completely irresponsible, but whats done is done. Anyway, since he found out, he has been pushing a relationship on me so bad. He used to always talk about us being together but I have never been interested. Now he is just barging in to every aspect of mylife, like now he thinks now he has a right. He is demanding so much from me. He also is so happy about being a father, he wants to be at every doctor apt, and know every little detail of everything. He is smothering me!! I just dont know what responsibility I have to him. Im so confused, I know that I messed up and was so irresponsible, but how much of my and my childs life do I have to give to him? I think that he may be obsessive, and it is taking over my life:(


Asked by Anonymous at 2:15 AM on Dec. 17, 2008 in Pregnancy

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I say support his involvement, but give the kid your last name. While it sounds like he's going to be around, things could change in the future. Chances are pretty great that you will always be there with the child, and the PP was right, explaining a name difference sucks. I gave my daughter my last name, but since then I have married. He is adopting her, but he can't do it until we've been married for a year, so I have to deal with explaining that her last name is this and mine is this. I hate it. And if he ever did something terrible, you would be reminded of him every time someone said his last name or you had to write it etc. Good luck!

    Answer by toriandgrace at 4:34 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Do both but put yours first. I wish I did both because In my sons school they call me by my sons last name and i hate explaining to and 8 year olds why I'm ms Cieslak and not Mrs. Delacerda

    Answer by lisacieslak at 2:21 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • This may sound mean, but many moms who are unmarried to the father would be thrilled if they wanted so much to be a part of the child's life. I know you may not think of him as a romantic interest at this point, but if he was your best friend then he must hold a special place in your heart. It's always possible that things could change as you watch him being a father - which he has every right to do and being a good father is so sexy!! If he plans to have an active role in the child's life - and it sounds like he does - then giving his name isn't such a bad thing. It's his child too even if it is in your body. Having two parents that both love him/her will be a great thing!

    Answer by GrowingMama at 2:23 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • I would say that its nice he wants to be involved and it is his child too. You didn't get pregnant on your own no matter how irresponsible it came about. I agree with the pp about putting both names on the birth certificate.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Well not to sound rude but you made a child with a man and that man now has a right to be in the child's life. Most women complain about the guy not sticking around so Id say that you and this unborn child are VERY lucky for him to even want to be around let alone go to the appointments and know the little but important things...I do have to say though you need to place the boundries Now..allow him to go to the appointmenst and ultrasounds but led him know he MUST back out of the rest of your life. He is going to be a father to your child and with that you will be linked to him forever but you two are not becoming a family in the sense that it sound like he wants to be....Lay the law down now even if it is extremly hard for you to do or else he will be that way for the rest of your guys' life

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • i had the same thing happen to me you can give your baby your last name and people are going to be mean to me for saying this but i had my reason to keep my little girls dad away you dont have to do anything you dont want to do my little girls dad has no rights because he never was there to sign the birth he would have to go through alot to even get right to her he has tryed before but didnt he gave up but i have let him see her she is 4 now and i can count on my hand how many times he has seen her since she has been born and i just didnt want someone in out her life and i knew he would never grow up but you dont have to do anything you dont want thats your baby he might have rights but he got to prove he the dad first not saying he isnt just saying thats what he would have to go through to even get rights

    Answer by Autumn634 at 2:30 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Count your blessings that he wants to be involved in your baby's life. My best friend's DS has his dad's last name, and he still isn't involved in his life. Hyphenate if you really want your last name to be part of his name. Who knows his smothering you might just be your preggo hormones. DH gets on my last nerve while I'm preggo even though he acts the same as when I'm not.

    Answer by LolosMom at 4:12 AM on Dec. 17, 2008