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i wanna be more mature in situations but where do i start

as woman when do we actually began to grow and learn how to take car of our men theway they can take care of us. I wanna be a strong woman who doesn't mind cleaning and cooking and actually enjoy taking care of my bf and dd(notsayin that i don't).my boyfriend is 7 years older than me and i fear that he will find a woman who can do the things that i wanna learn how to do . At times Ican be very inmature but im ready to grow up and handle buisness but really don't know where to start and or how to and pleasedon't say you either have it or you don't because i'm determine to learn and do whatver i nedd to do

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:48 AM on Dec. 17, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • The fact that you admit you're ready proves you are mature to start. I've done a lot of growing up in the past two years. I started out by doing little things for my hubby. I noted his reactions and read his body language. If you are at all in tune with your man you KNOW when they are pleased. Try to anticipate his needs. If I go get something to drink I bring him something too. If I get a snack I bring double in case he wants some. I lay his work clothes in the bathroom so he can just get up and put them on. I make sure his alarm is set. I STILL make sure he gets up in time. I make his favorite meals or treats whenever he asks. If a clean house makes him happy, just do it because it makes him happy. Make sure his favorite clothes are always clean and ready for him to wear. If he has a work uniform, make sure it's always fresh and clean. I hope this helps at least a little..

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 3:58 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • And DON'T let him walk all over you because you do these things for him....

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 3:58 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • as usual, I agree with Marlye :) Going out of your way to please another person is a sign of maturity. It is not always fun and easy to do for others but if you can do it, you will not only nurture your relationship but you will feel good as a person.

    I also agree that you are NEVER to allow yourself to be a doormat. Be sure your BF is worthy of your good intentions and efforts. If he is not, do not bother because he will only take advantage of you. If he is, though, your relationship will flourish. I promise you that.

    Answer by MammaMia72 at 4:04 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Also,if you want, get the book The Five Love Languages. It helps you realize what makes YOU feel loved and what makes your SO feel loved. I thought I knew what made me and hubby feel loved. I thought sex made him feel that way and I thought spending time together made me feel loved. My love language is physical touch. I love to touch, hug, kiss, be lovey. And he feels loved when I verbally lift him up. It helped us understand eachother more and in turn we were able to please eachother better. I know to tell him how proud I am of him, how handsome he is, etc and he's sure to cuddle me and kiss me a lot.

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 4:09 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Lol sorry I'm posting so much. Here's another example. My friend was having issues with her marriage. She cooked, cleaned, did all of those kinds of services for her hubby and he couldn't care less. She got sooo frustrated. He's always want to love on her and she would get upset about it. It affected them really badly. I gave her my copy and come to find out. His language wasn't "acts of service" it was "quality time". Instead of having my friend do physical services for him, he just wanted to sit down and be together. SHE didn't respond to "physical touch" because her love language is "words of affirmation". She wanted to be verbally lifted up and praised instead of molested. LOL

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 4:31 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • My Dh is 10 yrs older than me. He had mentioned that I was immature soon after we got married. It's been 10 yrs so we worked it out! What helped me was to find an older woman at church who exemplified the kind of woman I wanted to be. I asked her about things I didn't know about and I watched her to learn things she did. I am not a carbon copy of her now, and I didn't want to be. But I did learn to shut my mouth more, be a little more serious when necessary, do random kind things for my husband, build him up with words of affirmation that he needed, forgive him regularly for small things, communicate what I did need from him. Those kinds of things. She was old enough to be my mother and I asked her for help. She was very receptive. We treated it like a Titus 2 relationship.

    Answer by GrowingMama at 5:23 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Wow...I ve never heard a cafemommer actually say they wanted to grow up. Im so proud of you. Just the mere fact that you recognize it is the first step. Some of growing up and maturing is a process that you just have to grow into. With every year, you see things that you didn't see last year and before you know it, youre 5 yrs down the road and youre a totally different person. One thing you can do, is with each situation, make a conscious effort to think out your reaction and behaving like an adult is not always the fun way. We have to choose not to throw fits when we dont get our way. Its hard!...LOL I agree with the finding an older a mentor of sorts. I ve had lots of mentors over the years and they really helped me. Find one that you respect and someone you want to be like and buddy up to her. I am sure she can teach you what you don't know. Good luck!

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:43 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • I wanna thank you for posting this I want to do the same and I love you ladies ideas :) Thanks again!

    Answer by shauna9909 at 11:57 AM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Well, I don't necessarily think being 'mature' means cooking and cleaning for a man. That is a bit old school. Having said that...of course as a wife I do all of those things. I found that when we bought our townhouse I started feeling more invested in cleaning and keeping it tidy than we we just rented. I do these things for him but also for myself. I don't think "I'm being a great wife right now" I just think "we need to eat" or "the toilet is dirty, I should clean it." It's about wanting your life to be comfortable and in control as well as wanting his life to be that way as well. As soon as you know it, you'll be out at the store and realize he mentioned he needs more socks or more t-shirts, you just get used to being with him and making sure you're both clothed and fed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:42 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

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