Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Teenager talked bad about me to neighbors

My daughter made it on to the cheerleading team. Her team is doing a fundraiser for an upcoming cheerleading competition. My daughter's friend sold over 30 cookies in one hour from one street in our neighborhood. I asked my daughter to do the same to help with the expenses. We live in Hawaii & the trip is to Las Vegas, so it will cost quite a bit. Instead of selling cookies, she decides to sit on the porch. I remind her that she needs to help out with expenses for this trip by selling these cookies.

She got upset with me & wrote on the order form "Do not come home until you sell 20 boxes" so that everyone who looked at the order form could see. Then see cried to all the neighbors that I was making her sell these cookies & that she wasn't allowed home until she sold 20 boxes. She went up & down the street telling everyone this---ALL our neighbors.

I am so upset that she made me out to be a bad mom when all I asked her to do was help out with expenses by selling some cookies. I have already spent well over $500 for uniforms & cheer camp and have also been driving her back & forth to practices every single day.

I am embarrassed that my daughter would portray me this way, but also disappointed that she thought she had to do this to sell cookies. In essence she got the neighbors to feel sorry for her because they were even giving her money & not even expecting cookies! Some even overpaid her because they felt so bad for her.

Was I wrong to ask her to help out with expenses by doing this fundraiser?? I have literally been in tears thinking about all this & am now too embarassed to go outside for fear that I will get stares since I think others will think I'm an awful mother. :( I just don't even know how to handle this. Any advice?

Answer Question
 
sillyme3346

Asked by sillyme3346 at 5:10 PM on Jul. 10, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • She would have just lost the chance to go on the trip in my house. And she would be working to earn the money to pay back the neighbors and would be going door to door explaining what a weasel she was.

    She might be able to earn the right to go on the trip later if she worked hard and put forth the effort to go. But she would have to prove she was willing to make is a priority.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 5:14 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • NO you are not wrong for asking your daughter to seel cookies to help pay for the trip. I would be sooooo upset if I were you. Maybe if she is going to disrespect you this way, she needs to miss the trip.
    zoomomto3

    Answer by zoomomto3 at 5:15 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • not at all mama.....teenagers like to make up stuf to throw theirselves a pity party....and sometimes i back fires on people they care about...she shouldnt have done what she did i wouldnt have let her go i.m.o im sorry dear :(
    raeyliNlilysmom

    Answer by raeyliNlilysmom at 5:19 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • Thanks for the replies. I feel a lot better. I just wanted to teach my daughter to work for things that she wants instead of expecting things to be handed to her. I told her that sometimes you have to do things you don't like because when you grow up & get a real job you have to work if you want to get paid, keep your car, have a house, etc. Nothing in this world is free & yeah it isn't always fun, but that's life! If she enjoys cheerleading so much, then she needs to put some effort into it. I think the worst part of all this is I feel she backstabbed me after I have worked so hard to help her get the things she needed to be a cheerleader. I am seriously dreading walking around my neighborhood now because of the light my daughter has cast me in. She had neighbors literally going to each other to help my 'poor defenseless child' who is being forced by her 'horrible' mother to sell cookies & not come home until she does. Geez!
    sillyme3346

    Comment by sillyme3346 (original poster) at 9:00 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • Sorry but #1 she wouldnt go on that trip after that lil stunt. #2 I would walk her to every house and have her tell them the truth about what she did. Bad actions have consequences and this would be a good teaching moment.
    Sandyr911

    Answer by Sandyr911 at 11:57 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Wow glad I am not at that age yet!!!!
    newathis918

    Answer by newathis918 at 1:29 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • If it were up to me, the Vegas trip would be cancelled. Don't reward her bad behavior.
    KareninTampa

    Answer by KareninTampa at 8:39 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I agree with sandy there is no way she would be going if she was my daughter. And she definitly would be writing letters of apology to all of the neighbors for lying & being deceitful, she would then hand deliver them all.
    Mrs_Harsh

    Answer by Mrs_Harsh at 12:20 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Nope she would not be going. I would personally walk my daughter back around to every house and make her give that money back. If it has to come out of your pocket ok, make her earn it back later. Make her tell the neighbors what she had done and apol., Then if she wants to go on the trip make her earn it the right way. Chores or a job something. But as on now, NO TRIP for her. Now this is if it were my child.
    Angela_1974

    Answer by Angela_1974 at 9:29 AM on Jul. 24, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN