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3 Bumps

I dont know what my options are. =(

(yes, i have this posted in 2 areas. i hope thats not a problem, but i feel that maybe i'll get good advice from each section.... that this is a kid's health issue and a relationship issue)

I'm a horrible mom. I suck at it. I'm too depressed to DO anything about it. I gave DS a shower today... when was the last one he had? Over a week ago- and that was cuz my dad gave it to him! before the shower my dad gave him? at least 5 days before that! DS fixes himself his own breakfast and lunch. Dinner can vary b/c sometimes i just order pizza, or thats when i'm able to get up- and stay up to get something, or actually make something!

i dont know whats wrong with me. it just happened within the last month or so. but it doesnt excuse the fact that i'm neglecting DS at the very least. i have no one to take him in, no one to care for him. his own dad/dad's family denies him (DNA proven) and has only seen him about 3 times in 6 years. i have no family other than my dad and my dad has stated (when i got preg- but his views have not changed) that he will NOT be responsible for a grandchild; "the kid will go in the state's care if you die"...

i mean its at the point where i'm still amazed i have a job! i force myself to get up for my job- why cant i force myself to do things for DS?!

i cant get any "me" time- and lets be real, i dont NEED it b/c i get it when i dont do anything for DS. i cant go to a therapist b/c none in my area will base it on my income... i work when therapists are open, cant get time off work b/c i NEED that money in order to provide (ha! provide what?! a shitty lifestyle for a 6 year old who does everything for himself?!)

i feel stuck. i want to die, but then i think- if i die, DS will be alone, in fostercare.. so i should just give him up.... but i'm too selfish for that b/c i'll admit- i need him. he's the only one who brings any slight happiness in my life... but why is it, this entire weekend, he's been getting under my skin? i refuse to spank him (even for his normal behavior that is usually dealt with spanking) b/c right now, i know i'll spank out of anger. i know that a HUGE part of me wants to lash out against something and right now, he's the only one around- so i refuse to even discipline (even if i tell him to go to time out, and he doesnt obey- i dont correct him b/c i'm afraid of how i'll handle it!). i dont know what i'm doing. i'm doing everything wrong and i need someone to tell me what to do RIGHT! i'm so alone.

i made a schedule; hour by hour, that includes meal times, bathtimes, etc. i hope i stick with it. b/c i dont wanna be like this; i dont wanna be this kind of mom.... and maybe a schedule will help me.

what else can i do, to get back to me?! the me who played with her kid, the me who enjoyed life?! who didnt care that she was a single mom b/c i could handle everything/anything thrown my way?! i hate- HATE feeling like this; like i need someone to help me when i'm feeling this way... when i dont wanna cook dinner, or give DS a bath- i'll have that fallback person to do it for me!

please dont bash me. i'm trying to be a better mom. i want to be a better mom. i used to be. i just dont know what happened.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:47 PM on Jul. 10, 2011 in Kids' Health

Answers (11)
  • ok 1st off it could be a medical prob so lets start with the basics do you eat enough iron ? is anyone in your family diabetic ? do you get enough sun and vitamins ?

    is its not a medical prob your very depressed  maybe going to your doctors and asking for a short dose of antidepressants maybe best i don't think your a bad mum you sound like you need help you clearly care for you son a lot .


    Answer by feralkitten at 8:54 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • I feel for you. I have been there. Tell someone who can MAKE you get the help you need. I hope things get better soon.

    Answer by cueballsmom at 9:01 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • Wherever you are, there is some kind of mental health care you could get. If there is no clinic, try a church. Even if you are not religious, many churches have volunteer pastors or counselors who also have degrees in mental health. If you are opposed to the religious aspects, then ignore that part and take the other advice. I may get bashed for this since the ER is technically for emergencies...but if you can find NO OTHER CARE anywhere that you can afford, go to your hospital's emergency room and tell them that you have no other place to go and that you NEED to be on an antidepressant and to speak with a counselor who will allow you to pay based on income. Then you can make payments to the hospital. Or, and I will get bashed for this too, see if you are eligible for medicaid. Our state has a program for families who make too much for typical Medicaid where they pay a small co pay for visits. If all else fails, cont'd...

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 9:09 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • ...try to treat yourself naturally. Make sure you are getting vitamins and eating healthy foods. There are supplements, like St. John's Wort, which have proven just as effective in certain studies as antidepressant medications. TALK TO YOUR PHARMACIST TO MAKE SURE ANY SUPPLEMENTS YOU TRY ARE SAFE, AND ARE SAFE TO TAKE IN COMBINATION WITH ONE ANOTHER. Exercise. I know you don't feel like it, but just tell yourself you'll do ten minutes...or even five minutes... studies have also shown that post exercise endorphins have a strong antidepressant effect. Drink plenty of water. Dehydration can lead to fatigue and mood changes. Have your thyroid checked... a lot of your symptoms can be typical of a thyroid disorder. If you CANNOT in any way afford a visit to the doctor but are not eligible for a free clinic or something, they make thyroid support supplements which are safe. Thyroplus is worked well for me. Again, ..

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 9:13 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • ...ask a pharmacist before combining ANYTHING! Just because something is natural, doesn't mean it's safer than actual drugs. On that note, they have done me a lot of good. Go to and type in "mood" or "depression" and see which ones pop up. Write down ingredients of any you are considering and ask your pharmacist about them. Read the customer reviews to make sure you are getting a good product. I highly advise medical advice FIRST, but if you CAN'T right now...REALLY CAN'T... then natural remedies have worked very well for me in many cases. Additionally, if your dad will even babysit your son for half an hour... take that time to unwind, take a hot bath, and focus on yourself and healing. Read self help books if you want. Notice patterns (when is your mood or fatigue worse, and what happens during those times? Can your avoid those things?) In any event, lots of good energy and prayers your way. Good luck!

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 9:18 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • Oh, and it also sounds a lot like a hormonal imbalance. Are there any midwives in your area? I ask because my midwife is affiliated with certain hospitals, so she can take blood for certain tests and has access to the lab...but charges WAY less than a doctor or hospital. She does more than just delivery babies and offer prenatal care...she also offers advice on overall wellness and hormonal health. Midwives are also usually very flexible when it comes to payment. Many will even barter services or let you make lower payments. If you have one locally, you may be able to get tests done or at least go over your symptoms...and they can often point you in the right direction on whether a natural remedy would help, if you are DO need actual medical care. They may also have resources for helpful and affordable caregivers. Sorry I'm rambling...I have researched mental health A LOT because my husband suffered from depression. :-)

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 9:23 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • i know when i was annemic i was very down and had no engery at all ! also sad ( sesnal something disorder ) can make you feel like this its do do with sunlight and a vitum i have to look it up tbh , the last thing that i thought of is blood sugar can often effect how you feel so

    Answer by feralkitten at 9:35 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • @feralkitten... you make good points. That is one reason I personally prefer natural remedies and practitioners like my midwife. When I was anxious the doctor just said "Hey, lets give you a pill..." and my midwife was more about "Hey...lets find out WHY you are feeling that way and fix the underlying cause..." There are SO MANY different things which can cause depression-like symptoms. Hormones. Thyroid. Blood sugar. Vitamin deficiencies. The list is endless.

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 9:50 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • you need to go to the doctor. i was the same way after my 2nd child was born. i was abusive/neglecting them. it turned out to be a low thyroid. it's sounds like no big deal. but the thyroid controls your energy levels, depression levels and so much more.

    Answer by ajs16919 at 12:17 AM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • I would suggest you get your doctor to run a thorough blood test. Ask him/her to test for thyroid disorder.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:33 AM on Jul. 15, 2011

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