(yes, i have this posted in 2 areas. i hope thats not a problem, but i feel that maybe i'll get good advice from each section.... that this is a kid's health issue and a relationship issue)
I'm a horrible mom. I suck at it. I'm too depressed to DO anything about it. I gave DS a shower today... when was the last one he had? Over a week ago- and that was cuz my dad gave it to him! before the shower my dad gave him? at least 5 days before that! DS fixes himself his own breakfast and lunch. Dinner can vary b/c sometimes i just order pizza, or thats when i'm able to get up- and stay up to get something, or actually make something!
i dont know whats wrong with me. it just happened within the last month or so. but it doesnt excuse the fact that i'm neglecting DS at the very least. i have no one to take him in, no one to care for him. his own dad/dad's family denies him (DNA proven) and has only seen him about 3 times in 6 years. i have no family other than my dad and my dad has stated (when i got preg- but his views have not changed) that he will NOT be responsible for a grandchild; "the kid will go in the state's care if you die"...
i mean its at the point where i'm still amazed i have a job! i force myself to get up for my job- why cant i force myself to do things for DS?!
i cant get any "me" time- and lets be real, i dont NEED it b/c i get it when i dont do anything for DS. i cant go to a therapist b/c none in my area will base it on my income... i work when therapists are open, cant get time off work b/c i NEED that money in order to provide (ha! provide what?! a shitty lifestyle for a 6 year old who does everything for himself?!)
i feel stuck. i want to die, but then i think- if i die, DS will be alone, in fostercare.. so i should just give him up.... but i'm too selfish for that b/c i'll admit- i need him. he's the only one who brings any slight happiness in my life... but why is it, this entire weekend, he's been getting under my skin? i refuse to spank him (even for his normal behavior that is usually dealt with spanking) b/c right now, i know i'll spank out of anger. i know that a HUGE part of me wants to lash out against something and right now, he's the only one around- so i refuse to even discipline (even if i tell him to go to time out, and he doesnt obey- i dont correct him b/c i'm afraid of how i'll handle it!). i dont know what i'm doing. i'm doing everything wrong and i need someone to tell me what to do RIGHT! i'm so alone.
i made a schedule; hour by hour, that includes meal times, bathtimes, etc. i hope i stick with it. b/c i dont wanna be like this; i dont wanna be this kind of mom.... and maybe a schedule will help me.
what else can i do, to get back to me?! the me who played with her kid, the me who enjoyed life?! who didnt care that she was a single mom b/c i could handle everything/anything thrown my way?! i hate- HATE feeling like this; like i need someone to help me when i'm feeling this way... when i dont wanna cook dinner, or give DS a bath- i'll have that fallback person to do it for me!
please dont bash me. i'm trying to be a better mom. i want to be a better mom. i used to be. i just dont know what happened.
Asked by Anonymous at 8:47 PM on Jul. 10, 2011 in Kids' Health
ok 1st off it could be a medical prob so lets start with the basics do you eat enough iron ? is anyone in your family diabetic ? do you get enough sun and vitamins ?
is its not a medical prob your very depressed maybe going to your doctors and asking for a short dose of antidepressants maybe best i don't think your a bad mum you sound like you need help you clearly care for you son a lot .
Answer by feralkitten at 8:54 PM on Jul. 10, 2011
Answer by cueballsmom at 9:01 PM on Jul. 10, 2011
Answer by ErinHill226 at 9:09 PM on Jul. 10, 2011
Answer by ErinHill226 at 9:13 PM on Jul. 10, 2011
Answer by ErinHill226 at 9:18 PM on Jul. 10, 2011
Answer by ErinHill226 at 9:23 PM on Jul. 10, 2011
Answer by feralkitten at 9:35 PM on Jul. 10, 2011
Answer by ErinHill226 at 9:50 PM on Jul. 10, 2011
Answer by ajs16919 at 12:17 AM on Jul. 11, 2011
Answer by Dardenella at 11:33 AM on Jul. 15, 2011
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