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3 Bumps

I dont know what my options are. =(

(yes, i have this posted in 2 areas. i hope thats not a problem, but i feel that maybe i'll get good advice from each section.... that this is a kid's health issue and a relationship issue)

I'm a horrible mom. I suck at it. I'm too depressed to DO anything about it. I gave DS a shower today... when was the last one he had? Over a week ago- and that was cuz my dad gave it to him! before the shower my dad gave him? at least 5 days before that! DS fixes himself his own breakfast and lunch. Dinner can vary b/c sometimes i just order pizza, or thats when i'm able to get up- and stay up to get something, or actually make something!

i dont know whats wrong with me. it just happened within the last month or so. but it doesnt excuse the fact that i'm neglecting DS at the very least. i have no one to take him in, no one to care for him. his own dad/dad's family denies him (DNA proven) and has only seen him about 3 times in 6 years. i have no family other than my dad and my dad has stated (when i got preg- but his views have not changed) that he will NOT be responsible for a grandchild; "the kid will go in the state's care if you die"...

i mean its at the point where i'm still amazed i have a job! i force myself to get up for my job- why cant i force myself to do things for DS?!

i cant get any "me" time- and lets be real, i dont NEED it b/c i get it when i dont do anything for DS. i cant go to a therapist b/c none in my area will base it on my income... i work when therapists are open, cant get time off work b/c i NEED that money in order to provide (ha! provide what?! a shitty lifestyle for a 6 year old who does everything for himself?!)

i feel stuck. i want to die, but then i think- if i die, DS will be alone, in fostercare.. so i should just give him up.... but i'm too selfish for that b/c i'll admit- i need him. he's the only one who brings any slight happiness in my life... but why is it, this entire weekend, he's been getting under my skin? i refuse to spank him (even for his normal behavior that is usually dealt with spanking) b/c right now, i know i'll spank out of anger. i know that a HUGE part of me wants to lash out against something and right now, he's the only one around- so i refuse to even discipline (even if i tell him to go to time out, and he doesnt obey- i dont correct him b/c i'm afraid of how i'll handle it!). i dont know what i'm doing. i'm doing everything wrong and i need someone to tell me what to do RIGHT! i'm so alone.


i made a schedule; hour by hour, that includes meal times, bathtimes, etc. i hope i stick with it. b/c i dont wanna be like this; i dont wanna be this kind of mom.... and maybe a schedule will help me.

what else can i do, to get back to me?! the me who played with her kid, the me who enjoyed life?! who didnt care that she was a single mom b/c i could handle everything/anything thrown my way?! i hate- HATE feeling like this; like i need someone to help me when i'm feeling this way... when i dont wanna cook dinner, or give DS a bath- i'll have that fallback person to do it for me!

please dont bash me. i'm trying to be a better mom. i want to be a better mom. i used to be. i just dont know what happened.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Jul. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Um this is a hard one. Well not to be rude but the fact that he could be taken away from you should be enough to scare u into taking care of him. If you can't see any kind of doctor or help yourself in anyway then he would probably be better off with someone else. Im really not saying this to be mean but it scares me to think that u could lose it one day and end up on the news for killing or injuring your baby:(
    megclark22

    Answer by megclark22 at 9:01 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • You gotta get help! I know it's costly and you work during available hours but seriously, it sounds like you can't do it on your own! You most likely need medication and therapy. Is there any free counseling in your area? Even if it means taking one hour off of work to get yourself some help. One positive thing you got going on ...is that you realize you need help and you want to do something about it! You gotta do it for you and him both, you deserve happiness!

    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 9:04 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • Bash you why?? Your going through a rough time! Who hasn't been through a hard time and felt like shit? Please do private message me! I really would like to talk with you... All you need is some time and a counselor . You need to get some help, fast.... I know it's much easier said then done but, you can do it!!!! Wake up every morning and tell yourself, I can do it!!!!!
    Helen2004

    Answer by Helen2004 at 9:04 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • And don't ever think giving your son up will help!!!! It will only make matters worse!
    Helen2004

    Answer by Helen2004 at 9:06 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • helen2004 i wasn't saying that was her only option. Like i said i wasn't trying to be mean either but if you think about it if there is no way she can get help which i know thats not the case then he might be better off somewhere else for a min so she can collect herself. She needs a break every mom needs a break. We all get to this point at one time or another even if just for a moment. If there is anyway she can even just have her dad take care of him for a day or two they would both be better off.
    megclark22

    Answer by megclark22 at 9:10 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • I feel for you I really do... I know moms who have been there and there are times I have been there myself. here's what you can do though as far as counseling ... call a church and ask if a pastor can come in and see you or you can see him/her the child can play in the churchs play room.. pastors are free and they have the same education as a real therapist. I know this for a fact. also letting go and letting a higher power in your heart can ease your pain. Take some "B" and "D" and Magnesium will help perk up your energy levels.
    giving up your son is not the answer, this is just a bump in the road of life and with help you can become better...then when you are feeling better you can look back and remind yourself how low you once were and can feel proud that you survived along with your son in tow...there are better days ahead :)
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 9:17 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • I think it sounds like a combination of having no energy and depression. Both of which are treatable. I would force yourself to do a set number of things with your son each day. I will make dinner, get him through the bath, and play a game for 30 mins with him, etc. Until you are able to do more. I would go to a medical doctor. He will be able to treat you for depression as well.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 9:23 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • Yes but I doubt a day or 2 would fix the problem unless she sees someone and after what her dad said, he might throw it back in her face, who knows?! I am very sad for you and no offense but even more sad for your child because although you are suffering and trust me, I have suffered in my life (quite a bit) but it's not fair for this child to have to go through this. It could damage him in so many ways. You have to find a way of getting help...where there is a will there is a way and I strongly believe that. Your son must be confused and maybe he even feels like it's his fault and that you don't love him. I am sorry for saying this...I am sure you do love him, but you need to do something and fast. If you want to message me and talk, I will be there for you as well like helen offered but it seems to me like you need professional help and fast. Please do something before it's too late...
    bianca2422

    Answer by bianca2422 at 9:24 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • I also would like to add that you are a caring mom because you care about the level of care your son is getting....so many moms don't give a crap and they think they are doing just fine, or they just don't care... you do and it took alot for you to reach out and ask for help and advice. Give yourself a pat on the back for seeing you need help. another thing you can do is google "parents anonymous" and your area code and you can find a group with people who are alone with their parenting.
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 10:14 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • I hope you got some answers you needed, I'm just checking back... in the hopes that what people wrote will hopefully inspire you to do something to help you and your son. You know, it's gonna take you making the first move in making a difference and I really hope you do. You can message me anytime sweetie, ill listen, promise!!!!

    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 10:38 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

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