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Kids upset at me over our seperation

I was with my husband for over 20 years.... 20 miserable years... I was so set on having a good family life, having a nice home for our kids, and letting them have thier mom and dad together, I put up with my selfish, self-loving husband....

I have been cheated on, talked down to, I could never even pick out anything for myself ( from clothes to wall colors) .. I always felt like I had to prove myself to him and even when I got to the best i could be, it still wasnt good enough.

I always planned ( since my kids were toddlers) that as soon as they were grown i was leaving him. Now i have a great job, my own house, my own vehicle... and next month I will be officially divorced... i feel so good and so free .. except when it comes to my kids.. My youngest is 17 - she will be 18 next month ( and she already graduated high school) ..i also have an almost 19 year old and almost 20 year old ( I was very fertile back then lol)...

My youngest daughter is so upset, she has always been a daddys girl and it doesnt help that he makes it clear that I left him ( meaning it is my fault) ... she wont talk to me, refuses to come to my new house and that kills me .. my oldest daughter understands because she has said she knows how her dad treated me and my son is upset but he also understands... I just feel badly, and I dont know what to do...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:31 PM on Jul. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Give it time. Eventually your youngest will see the truth of things.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 10:35 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • Well they are adults and you did what you had to. So glad you feel so good and good for you. I wish you the best!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:35 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • I can not even imagine. I am going through something similar right now with my DH but the kids are still young so I'm trying to make the same decision you did and stick it out with him since he was willing to go to counseling with me. I am so terrified of it not working out because both of us don't know if it will work out. And if it doesn't I am terrified of telling the kids and how they are going to handle it. So I really feel for you. I would just try to explain to your daughter about the basics of what went on and why you had to leave, and how that makes it better for both of you in the end. I think after you give her some time she might begin to understand, she is probably just still processing everything in her brain.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • I know its your babies...and they will always be your babies, but theyre grown too. You need to (if you havent already) sit down and have an adult discussion with them. They dont need all the yucky details, and theyll each peice together the story between eachother anyways...but explain that you havent been happy for a long time. You will always be greatful to their father for the things he gave you, and especially for them, but YOU need to be happy. You've thought about them their whole lives, and now its time to think about yourself as well as them.

    They'll hurt, and may be bitter and angry for a while, but eventually they WILL understand. And, you will be the grown up and didnt trash their father, no matter how much he hurt you. You were the bigger person, and ultimately...even in your darkest put THEM first by sparing them nasty details and not talking down their dad.

    Good luck!

    Answer by mlmkjw at 10:38 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • Im glad your happy! I wish you luck, and your daughter will come around, give it some time.

    Answer by MommyBre21 at 10:38 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

  • She will get over it !!! I'm happy for you!!! :)

    Answer by Helen2004 at 11:58 PM on Jul. 10, 2011

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