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I know she is Depressed or "sad" but is this OK?!?!

One of my best friends and her Hubby are married and trying very hard to have children. Her (like mine) husband is African American, and she is for sake of explanaition "white". we were discussing children the other day.. I Never bring it up, because i know that they are trying everything in the book to have their own... Anyway she looked at my daughter while we were talking, and said, "do you ever feel like u were robbed" i asked her in what sense. and she said well u eventhough you have a black husband your daughter is primarily white ( she is blondish brown hair, blue eyes, curly hair and olive skinned) " do you feel like you got the short end of the stick, like u didnt get a "normal mixed child" I was very taken by this question, because i have seen so many mixed children that i guess i dont know what a NORMAL MIX CHILD is supposed to look like... I told her I wasnt under standing her question.. and that i was perfectly happy with how my daughter looks, matter of fact i get compliments all the time... she rolled her eyes and said that i just dont understand... i said i guess i dont... :( so my question is, do people really feel like they were "Robbed of what kind of child they thought they were going to get?, Do you think if she gets a mixed child that is either really dark or really light she will feel robbed? or is it her infertility frusterations coming out?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:10 AM on Jul. 11, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (4)
  • I don't feel robbed at all. I think my children are beautiful, as all children are. She is most likely having some issues from not having any of her own yet.
    sunsetbeach81

    Answer by sunsetbeach81 at 3:13 AM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • Yes It sounds like she is just being frustrated about her situation. and no I do not feel robbed as far as how they look but as far as 2 of them are concerned I feel robbed because of their disabilities but put that aside and they look perfect IMO. lol
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 3:42 AM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • Yeah I had an presumptuous idea of how mixed children should look. Brown skin still, brown eyes, dark or brown very curly hair. My 1st mixed child came out completely different. White skin, brown eyes, long straight hair and my 2nd looks the same except her hair is a little curlier. I don't feel robbed per se but I just find it unexpected. Especially since I'm the black parent. When I am out alone with my girls, I have got the "are you a nanny" stares and questions. I babysit an all white baby who is a few weeks younger than my youngest daughter and when I take the both of them out, people assume they are twins. My inlaws even commented "shouldnt' they be darker?" I guess most people when they think of mixed, they think of a Barack Obama. Someone who still looks mostly black. Also because the darker genes supposed to be more prevalent.
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 7:59 AM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • Some people say weird things... I once had a friend ask if I was sad that I would never have a blonde/blue eyed child (I'm blonde/blue-eyed but my dh is 100% south asian and the kids all have dark hair and dark eyes and olive skin tones.) I was baffled by the question, honestly. I never really cared who or what they would look like, I never fantasized about having a child that looked a specific way. I guess some people do and that's where the question comes from.
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 8:47 AM on Jul. 11, 2011

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