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Is it worth it?

I'm in a situation, and would LOVE some input! Ok, here's the deal... I've been dating this guy(13 years my senior, no kids, never been married) for 6 months. He does everything for me, we get along great, have had a couple spats, nothing major at all... A couple months back, he decided we needed to take a week long break, to see how he feels about he and I. Before that, he told me he planned his life so he didn't have kids, and that he never wanted to get married.... One week, no calls, no emails, nothing. He finally emails me after 10 days, and wanted to hang out. He came over, and proceeded to tell me, that he wants "us". 2 months into our "relationship" I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer, and he has been there every step of the way. I have no family here, so my plans are to move to Alaska with my family while I get my health back on track since I have 3 kiddos. He told me he isn't ready for me to move in, and doesnt want to be labeled as "in a relationship". He tells my friends that he doesnt really want me to go, but if its for the best, than that's what I need to do. He told me that I can store my kids and my belongings at his house and he would slowly ship them to me, and I was going to take my car to a salvage yard since my engine is going out AGAIN (just paid 700 to have someone rebuild it). Now, as I wait for surgery, he wanted me to start staying with him, so I moved in (temporarily), he calls me his girlfriend (but doesnt allow me to state that on any of my profiles), we go everywhere together, he had me get my license mailed to his house, and told me to use his address to re-register my car, and now he tells me that he doesnt think I will be gone for more than 6 months to Alaska, so he wants me to leave him my car so he can rebuild correctly (he is a professional high-performance mechanic) while I'm gone. My question is.... Should I leave my car here for him to fix and come back to him, should I just pack up my things in a storage unit?
Im just scared that as soon as I leave (the 29th), he is going to find every way possible to forget about me, since he doesnt want to commit to a real relationship...

What should I do?

Answer Question

Asked by Mossy.Oak.Momma at 7:13 AM on Jul. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 4 (30 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Personally, I think he either wants you or he doesn't. He has had plenty of time to decide. Just sounds like he wants to keep his options open. I would just tell him that he needs to commit or you are moving on. You have 3 kids that you are dragging along for this ride. Find out where this is going now. Without some sort of commitment, I would end the relationship when leaving for Alaska.

    Answer by momofkids at 7:26 AM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • The vehicle is registered in your name so by law it is your property. You can get it back 'no' matter what. Worse case scenario, he doesn't touch the car and it just sits in his driveway till you get it back. If you feel safe enough leaving your kids with this man while you go out of state than I wouldn't worry about personal belongings! If nothing else he sounds like he is a decent human being. He does have major commitment issues! I highly doubt this man will ever put a ring on your finger and getting him to call you and your kids 'family' would be a miracle! If that's ok with you and you can still be happy with him than plan on coming back to him. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship than just view it as a friendship.... Friends help each other out all the time.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 7:26 AM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • It sounds like he really likes you but he's really unsure about what he wants. You can't make him go through the process of reassessing what it is he wants; he's got to get to that point himself. Right now, you need to conserve your energy for what you really know you have in your life. I don't think you should cut him off completely, but maybe file him under "nice guy, commitment issues" and put your stuff in storage. As for the car, if he really wants to do that for you, let him. It may be his way of saying that he really does care.

    Answer by SWasson at 7:28 AM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • i dont think i'd leave my personal belongings there. maybe the car, since its dead anyways- but dont expect to get it back-- just in case there's laws in your area stating that if he has possession for a certain time limit, then its his car.

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 8:18 AM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • Sounds like the conversations have been one-sided. How do you feel? What do you want out of the relationship? Sit down with him and both share your wants and needs. You need to do what's best for you and your kids. Moving to Alaska to be closer to your family makes sense. You're going to need a lot of support and help. If he wanted to commit to you, he'd be looking to go with you. Take your kids amd make the move; you must be in a very vulnerable state mentally and emotionally. Put your things in storage; let him fix the car, notify you when it's ready, and arrange for storage for that, too. Concentrate on your and your kids' well-beings. Thank him for his concern and help; you don't have to dismiss him from your life, just "leave the ball in his court" to remain connected. Six months is not a long time to make life-changing decisions; maybe the distance between you, will point both of you in the right direction.

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:40 AM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • He sounds like a man who wants to be in control fully. I would get rid of the car and forget his name. Not a good guy at all the part where he doesn't allow you to put down your in a relationship on your profiles really bothered me. Who is he to allow or not allow you to do anything. Run from the jerk while you can.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • Thank you ladies, I just felt really alone on that!

    Comment by Mossy.Oak.Momma (original poster) at 10:02 PM on Jul. 16, 2011

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