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When is it ok to wash your hands of someone and walk away from them?

Background: My mother and stepfather adopted a little girl back in 1992. She was six months old at the time.
I was forced into the parenting role with her due to my mother's illness both mental and later physical. (I was 10) I even taught her through her first 2 years of homeschooling.
I moved out at 18 (got thrown out) Met my DH got pregnant at 19 and my parents told her i was a slut, among a great many other things.
So I never really had a "normal" relationship with her.
She recently got pregnant and married (She is 19)
She has been lead to believe that I am jealous of her and that I am some kind of horrible B*tch.
She told me that I will have nothing to do with her baby and that i need to quit being such a miserable person. Then hung up on me when I tried to explain to her how I am not miserable.

So is it ok for me to wash my hands of her and walk away?


Asked by MomOfDagJag at 12:48 PM on Jul. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,640 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Its not walking away, doesnt sound like there was much there to begin with once your folks started poisoning her towards you.

    If you feel you've done all you can to be close to her and explain your side of things then, personally, I think its time to let go and realize you did all you could and from here on out its on her shoulders.

    If you feel like you still need to explain fully then perhaps writing her a letter or email would be a better bet than calling.

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 4:03 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • Sounds like she's done that. Just be open if she calls again.

    Answer by meooma at 12:52 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • Walk away but don't burn the bridge.

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 2:13 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • Right now the relationship is not healthy. I would just give it to God at this point. You can love her from a distance and when she decides to turn around.. be there for her with a FORGIVING HEART. I do encourage you to forgive your parents as well. Yes they did wrong but unforgiveness is just as wrong. When you forgive.... healing begins. You may not see results for a while but know that God is there orchestrating and loving you through it.
    You have to understand.. children who are adopted many of them are confused as to who they are. She is still young and trying to find her identity and she needs a lot of healing. Wounds from birth, the rejection, abandonment are very real in an adoptee's life. Many push people away because of great fear of relationships ect. It takes time for them to know they are truly loved and that the people in their lives will not abandon them. Last of all pray for her! :-)

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 3:30 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • Don't consider it walking away.Think of it as just taking a break, and see what happens then.Give it to God.and you will know what to do next, if anything.

    Answer by evelynwest at 12:50 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • It's really sad that your mother's illness and lack of support has brought your relationship with your sister to this point. Sometimes you have to just walk away for your own sanity, and hope and pray that someday, time and maturity will bring you to a point where you can try to repair the damage that has been done. This seems to me like one of those times...she's not working with rational thought, she's very emotional, and clearly doesn't have the wisdom or maturity to make decisions for herself.

    Answer by terirose22 at 12:54 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • I'd say you're well within your rights to walk away. It's sad because it sounds like you and your sister have alot in common. I bet you could be a great shoulder for her to lean on right now. You can't help people that don't want to be helped. Just live your life and don't look back.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 1:00 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • It sounds like she is the one that did the walking, not you. I would just move on with my life and leave it alone. Let the ball be in her court.

    Answer by zoomomto3 at 1:19 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • I agree with evelyn

    Answer by Dahis at 1:49 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • When a relationship - ANY RELATIONSHIP - becomes toxic for one or more of the people involved it's time to cut ties. I cut my "dad" from my life years ago. His addictions, attitude and carelessness towards his life and mine was simply adding more and more negativity to my life... There is simply no place in my world for him, so I cut him. It's that simple.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 2:48 PM on Jul. 11, 2011